Doug Giles

3. Titles are important. The Southern Fried Child still calls their elders “sir” or “ma’am.” I’ve got friends who have adult children with families of their own who make a very nice living, are close to my age and still call me “sir.” When the Southern Fried Child addresses a man, it is always as “Mr. (last name)” and a woman as “Mrs.” or “Miss (last name)” until they’ve been green lighted to use their first name or nickname.

4. Everyone else matters before you do. The Southern Fried Child is here to serve not be served. They do weird stuff like open the door for others. They don’t rush an elevator knocking down granny to get on first. When they come into a situation they assess what others might need, not what they can get from people or places.

5. Be helpful. The Southern Fried Child sees a lady with a flat on her car and helps her. The other day I was out in front of a Publix Supermarket and watched a burglary in progress. The guy ran out of the store, cash in hand, with the clerk and security guards chasing him. It looked fun so, I joined in the chase. The clerk and the guard ran out of juice, and I (along with a cop) got to tackle the dude and jam his face into the cement. (One of those little perks God drops in your lap every now and then.) Bottom line with those raised south of the Mason-Dixon is: whether it’s with tackling a punk or packing a trunk, The Southern Fried Child is programmed to H-E-L-P not hinder.

6. Be friendly. The Southern Fried Child smiles. They’re not sullen or vexed. They’re not walking around like the psycho chicks and metrosexual males in Miami in a pout pretending to be the next angry supermodel. The SFC says hello and starts friendly conversations. When I take my buddies hunting with me to Texas or Alabama, they’re blown away at how friendly people are. We’ll be driving down a Farm to Market Road in the middle of nowhere, meet a truck coming the opposite direction and our host will wave. Invariably, one of my friends then asks, “Who was that?” and our host replies, “I don’t know.” Then my jaded friends give me a confused look and ask me quietly why he waved. I whisper back, “People down here are friendly . . . . watch out—it might rub off on you.”

7. Use the right words. When asked a question, the Southern Fried Child doesn’t reply with “Huh?” “What?” or “Yeah.” It’s “Please,” “Thank you” or “Yes or no thank you.” They are kids who respectfully ask and don’t demand.

Southern families, by and large, don’t allow their kids to act like a spoiled, rabid, egocentric animals. Good manners and propriety are expected of us “stupid” old rednecks and our offspring. New mom and dad, instill the above Southern qualities into your new baby, and when he or she grows up, they’ll thank you in spades—and they’ll be leaders wherever they go.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.