Doug Giles

How does a girl avoid dating or marrying some festering bag of ripe compost like Kevin Federline and his helix-missing ilk? I know Britney Spears is about as sharp as a bag of wet mice; however, even with her low levels of discernment and her Turkish walnut like density, I believe Brit (as well as those below and above her in brilliance) can, with a little guidance, steer relationally clear from any urge to merge with some future K-Fedian bad date.

So . . . how does a girl circumvent the date from hell? It’s pretty simple, ladies. Follow the following principles, and you’ll land you a quality catch. Blow them off, and you’ll attract some Darwinian holdover that’ll drain you emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially more than a hemi-powered robotic milker drains the dairy out of a cow.

Girlfriend, are you ready to leave in the dust some dude who’s not worthy of sharing the air you breathe—much less your time and attention? You are? Well, giddy up. Here’s the master list that will increase your chances of attracting a prince Charming versus drawing some piece of Charmin.

Before you “get” a boyfriend . . .

1. Get a life.

2. Get a grip.

3. Get virtuous.

4. Get someone compatible.

5. Get solid boundaries.

6. Get and keep your own place.

Number One: Get a Life. A lot of ladies date disasters simply because they don’t have squat going on in their own lives and they think that the missing link is regularly French kissing the over-moussed bartender at Chili’s. One way to make certain you do not get wrapped around the axle of the date from hell is to make sure you’re kicking butt in life first—before you try to partner with anyone else.

Before you wade into the dating swamp, make sure you have something going on. Dissuade yourself right now from the debilitating notion that you need a man to be complete. Granted, great guys do add to the mix. That said, it’s incumbent that you first have a life for a good man to add to.

A relationship with Dash Riprock is subservient to the priority that you are focused. Yeah, you need a vision more than you need a tripod. You need something great to live and die for first. You need to hear from God before you fuse to a fellow. If not, you’ll be a gullible Etch-A-Sketch from some scribbling monkey.

Look ladies, if you enter into a relationship rudderless, like a needy parasite, you will be come the slave of whatever host you hitched yourself to. You’ll find yourself doing things . . . changing things . . . believing things . . . compromising things . . . and getting involved in crap you wouldn’t even think of doing just because you neeeeeeeeeeed him.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.