Doug Giles

Y’know, I bet Snoop Dog and Jamie Foxx wouldn’t be screaming, “free Tookie!” if Stanley Williams had splattered the brains of one of their innocent kids in a 7-Eleven or in a motel lobby with his 12 gauge. 

I’m guessing that if any of their children had been iced by this dung beetle they would be vying for switch throwing privileges during his execution and not begging clemency for this clown.  And I’m pretty certain that would be the same sentiment manifested by every doe-eyed, crocodile tear emitting stooge if death via Tookie were to land on one of their doorsteps.

Watching the bong-resin-brained Snoop Dogg, a convicted felon who sings on a regular basis about “b*tches and ho’s,” plead for pity for this convicted killer kind of warms the cockles of your heart, now doesn’t it? 

It doesn’t? 

Well then, you’re just not Hollywood.

Let me see if I have Hollywood pegged right:  You’re supposed to have pity for convicted killers but not have pity for unborn babies being killed.  Correct?  Ah, Tinsletown . . . where up is down and down is up, where water runs uphill and two plus two equals five.  Fo’ Shizzle my nizzle.  Pass the crack.

Back to Tookie.

Stanley “Tookie” Williams, founder of the Crips (one of the most sadistic gangs that’s ever stained this planet), was convicted of murdering Albert Owens, Yen-I & Thsai-Shaic Yang and their daughter, Yee Chin Lee, during robberies—and now he wants mercy.  That’s rich. 

Tookie, who still insists he’s innocent (and I’m sure he is . . . I mean, what person in prison is actually guilty?) would now like to have sympathy shown to him so that he can help the children through his remorseful musings.  Why, thank you, Tookie.  I’d say that token offer pretty much assuages your reign of terror, solidly tosses you into the positive column and deletes your former dirty deeds.

If Tookie were to be kept alive, thus saith his advocates, he could keep the message that “gangs are bad” afloat to the children.  What?  Gangs are bad?  Garsh, thank you, Mr. Williams.  We didn’t know that.  Just think about it . . . he could also tell the children that jail is no place they want to be.  Gee willickers, Stanley, I thought that prison was a kibbutz until you dropped that revelation on me.  Thank you for helping the children (and me), as we’d still be in the dark without your eye salve, Tookie. 

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.