Doug Giles

What the heck is up with all the Merry Christmasphobia?  Especially within our Public School system where during this season they outlaw certain flowers, ban particular colors, prohibit the display of Santa’s image, bar Christmas trees and tie their tongues in knots trying to rename Christmas? 

Isn’t it odd that the Public School Admin wizards get their support hose wedgied regarding Christmas, all the while they seem to be extremely zealous about teaching our 1st -12th graders everything and more than what they need to know about sex?

Yeah, they’re cool with adding a fourth “R,” namely raunch, to the three basic “R’s” of education.  It appears to be no problemo to teach our young’uns how to masturbate, and school officials seem to be pretty breezy about hosting gay and lesbian clubs; but darn iit, you’d better not wear red and green, bring a poinsettia to your teacher, have a baby Jesus lying in a manger, whistle “Silent Night” or have a Santa Claus sticker on your notebook because that . . . that . . . is beyond the pale.  At least it is ever since the ACLU began contorting the Constitution like a mad Mike Tyson twisting his Gumby doll.

The Christmasphobia seems to have seeped outside of the Pubic Fool System and has also hit the streets.  It’s gotten to the point where I’ve got to think for 30 to 40 seconds about how I am to wish one well during the Christmas season for fear that the ACLU will send some soulless lawyer to my house to sue me because of an insensitive greeting. 

Before, I just used to say, “Merry Christmas.”  Now, I have to do CIA-like profiling trying to figure out what religion said person is before I launch a holiday howdy.  Are they Christian?  Muslim?  Satanist?  Atheist?  Do they look like they have enough money to take legal action against me if I get the greeting wrong and they become deeply wounded by my well wish?  It’s madness.  To remedy the situation, now I just blow off saying anything aside from, “Wassup?”

Not only has this new found phobia regarding the Yuletide infected our dysfunctional schools and hamstrung our greetings in the streets, it’s also crept into retail where stores like Target put a moratorium on everything to do with Christmas, including giving the Salvation Army the boot.  Hey, Grinch-like Targetmeisters, the multiple millions of us here in Hooville are going to be buying our cheap stuff somewhere else this Christmas season.  So, Happy Festivus, Target, and I hope your profits and stock don’t tumble too dramatically as we take our business elsewhere.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.