Doug Giles

This is part six, of my 10 Habits of Decidedly Defective People series which has been specifically spun to help you, the wannabe waffler, hamstring all your chances for success.  If you adopt these Habits… not just read them … but take them on … yea, obey them religiously, I will guarantee your life will stink worse than a three week old pile of wild boar guts. 

For the four people that read my column each week, you know that have we already looked at five killer ways to kill potential and prosperity namely; Be a Slacker, Blame Others, Embrace Hopelessness,  Follow Others Mindlessly, and Be a Wet Blanket.  And now, here is my sixth offering in service to you, the potential loser.  Are you ready?  Get fired up because failure is just a few days away.  Can you feel it? 

Here we go with Habit Six: Hang Out with Morons.

Another great way to rocket your life into a complete scat laden existence is to Hang Out with Morons.  It’s not enough to just Follow Others Mindlessly.  You and I both know that you can trail others without befriending them.  However, if you really want to win at losing you must go the extra mile and physically merge your life with losers.  I’m talking about palling around with them, marrying them, and talking to them on a regular basis.  You must intentionally and strategically establish, as much as you can, blithering idiots, whoever they are, as your closest confidants if serious about living la vida broka.

Now, don’t blow off this point like it is insignificant because constant contact with crappy characters enlivens your potential for pain, possibly, like a nothing else.  Think about it.  Those lucky unlucky few who have already mastered disaster, who do they run around with?  Other accomplished failures.  Do the math. 

Therefore, if you want your life to reek then hang out with people who stink.  And the next thing you’ll know is that you will be screwing up immensely and life will be passing you by. Isn’t that cool?  And it is all made possible, simply by making friends with the decrepit and having their losing spirit ooze all over you.  You owe me big money for this wisdom.  Yes, bad company will corrupt your chances for a good life and that’s what you want, correct?  You want to make sure that your chances for achievement diminish daily, amen? 

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.