Doug Giles

The Aruban incident ticks me off on three levels:

1. The total obfuscation coming from the pencil neck geek Aruban teens, from the Frankenstein-like Dutch punk and from his lawless lawyer father.  As macabre and irreparably dented as the BTK killer is, at least when he was caught, he came clean.  Not so with these palm pilots.

2. The incredibly decrepit Aruban Keystone cops and their banana republic judicial system who have handled this case like MC Hammer handled his finances during the 90’s and . . .

3. The fact that this could have been avoided if . . . if . . . Natalee would have simply run away from with these little horn dogs. 

What the heck is a good-looking blonde girl doing leaving her friends at midnight to go off with the Netherlands’ version of Lurch and the local Mango brothers? With all due respect to Natalee and her parents, what was she thinking?  She was asking for disaster.  Now, because of one bad decision, because of over-riding her common sense and probably everything her parents have told her not to do, she has, almost certainly, been murdered by these three stooges.  What a shame.  What a loss.  And again—what an avoidable tragedy.

Of the 157 missing kids in Florida, 120 are girls, i.e. 75% of the kidnapped or murdered victims are little ladies.  In addition, one out of every five teen girls will experience some form of dating violence by the time she finishes high school.  The reality is, ladies, Happy Days are over and the girls have got to wise up if they want to avoid being duct taped and stuck in the trunk of some loser’s Trans Am. 

The answer is not isolation.  There really aren’t any Mayberry RFD’s to move to any more, as weird guys seem to be everywhere today.  Therefore, it is up to you, my little chicas bonitas, to become sharper than a bag of wet mice when you party, travel and date.  Yes, even blondes must cease to be “blonde” in their deductions of most dudes. 

In order to be safe and still have a good time I’ve concocted a helpful list of pointers—some borrowed from Safety Chick, Kathleen Baty, some from and some from my own ridiculously distrusting, overprotective, don’t-mess-with-my-daughters-or-I’ll-kill-you brain.  If followed, you stand a pretty good chance of avoiding the Van der Sluts—I mean—Sloots that are out there.  Here we go . . .

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.