Doug Giles

This is my fifth whack at trying to help all the whiners further hamstring any possibility they might have for success.  Part of my purpose driven life is to facilitate those who have decided to be failures by giving them a concrete road map that will ensure a solid waste laden existence. 

I have spent many minutes researching losers from various cultures and different epochs attempting to deduce the attitudes and actions of the derailed in order to help you, the wannabe loser, increase your chances for catastrophe. And man, have I struck the motherload with these paralyzing principles for the pusillanimous. 

I guarantee that if you want your relationships, career, finances and soul to reek worse than a sardine’s dirty gym shorts, then you, my friend, have stumbled onto gold.  Yes, if you adhere to these copy written, trademarked, patented and heavily-guarded-by-angry-midgets principles in my Developing the Disaster Master Mind© series you will be propelled to . . . well . . . uh . . . nowhere.

With Habits 1-4 already ratcheted into your psyche, let me help you further slay any lingering chance that prosperity might attach itself to you by now unfolding Habit 5, namely, Be a Wet Blanket©.

Having given up on the pursuit of happiness, the decidedly defective one must also try to debilitate others who are stupidly pursuing their great purpose in life.  There are three main reasons you must do this: 

1. The potentially dangerous transference of their winning attitude spreading to you and to your friends and thereby, screwing up all chances for failure.

2. The personal embarrassment that others’ success will cause you when they leave you in the dust by actually doing something with their lives.  

3. The jealousy and envy that will spawn in your heart over someone else’s achievement will wrinkle your flat line existence.  And you wouldn’t want that, would you? Why not? Well, you can’t be happy when someone else is happy.  That’s why!

Therefore, it is imperative that you be the drunken donkey that whizzes on the wannabe’s dreams. Think about it. . . . 

You’ve probably noticed that successful people are usually encouragers of others both in word and deed. Most players feed off the energy that they get and that they give each other.  Since you have decided that you’re going to be a waste of space, you must determine to zap the energy out of all those around you.  It is up to you to drain people of every vestige of vigor that they manifest [remember reasons 1-3 above!].

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.