My initial stab at the college life contained all the reflection and forethought of the dude I saw on Cops the other night who was just awarded a 10-year sentence in Huntsville State Pen because he burned down his Trailer Park in Katy, Texas after his live-in lady?Nadene?threw a pair of his favorite camo pants away and drank his last Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull.
Come to think of it ? the only thing I got out of my first attempt at college was the handy student ID card. What a multipurpose little item that was. I used my student ID to the max for getting into movies at half price, breaking into my girlfriend?s dorm room to check her voice mail to see if the jock in her English Lit class was still calling her and the all important job of separating the seeds and stems from the Colombian Gold I kept hidden on a Frisbee under the passenger seat of my Z28.
Yeah, most of the first two years of my campus experience were spent in a London fog of dope smoke, blowing the precious money my parents saved up for my education at rancid West Texas honky tonks while generating more F?s than Nelly would taking Hebrew at Knox Seminary.
As you can imagine, the Dean of Students got fed up with my antics and gave me the left foot of fellowship, after which I landed the prestigious job of working at a gas station ? wearing a sleeveless Jeff Foxworthy-like T-shirt, fast tracking my way to ?Living la Vida Broke-a!? What a loser ?
Fortunately for me, on a thousand different fronts, God invaded my life and radically altered my hackneyed existence. With my sins cleansed and former bondages broken [well ? almost] ? fresh and clean ? sober and anxious ? I jumped back into the college pool for a second swim.
My post-salvific experience left me zealous to please God and undo what I had done as an effective satanic evangelist, so I dove into the campus scene not with a bong and an ounce in hand, but with a Bible and an onus in tow, attempting to salvage the post-pubescent victims drowning in el Diablo?s wicked wake.
And what a fertile mission field I found! Yes, the college campus was loaded with opportunities to declare good news to bad people and to challenge on a daily basis the secularists? worldview and the consequences thereof. And believe it or not, those of you who believe religion is boring, I had a blast declaring God?s eternal truth in the midst of the anti-God secular swill!