8. The Thought Police have Tali-banned us. Pastors and priests have muffled their political voice because they fear being lumped in with the radical Muslim extremists by the politically correct thought police. The correlation made between Christians? non-violent attempts at policy persuasion and Taliban?s kill-you-in-your-sleep campaigns is nothing more than pure uncut crapola. Here?s what I?m talking about. A minister who wants to protect the unborn, preserve the Biblical and traditional view of marriage, maintain our nation?s basis in some semblance of Biblical righteousness all of the sudden gets grouped up with Osama and his nuclear-suitcase-carrying cabal.
Look, for all you scared secularists who believe Christians are no different than the Taliban, let me allay some of your fears. Christians, unlike the Taliban:
Do not seek to prohibit every form of pleasure.
Do not want women dressed in burqas and reduced to the role of breeders and slaves.
Do not force all men to grow ZZ Top-like beards and pray, at gun point if necessary, five times a day.
Do not reprimand, by whipping or death, people who have had sex out of wedlock.
Do not kill homosexuals by toppling brick walls upon their naked bodies.
Do not cut the hands and feet off petty thieves in soccer stadiums every Friday afternoon at 3:30.
Do not fund our evangelistic expansion by being the biggest smack dealers on the planet.
Do not hijack airliners and stick them into skyscrapers filled with innocent civilians.
Ministers, please blow off the tongue wagging blowhards who try to intimidate you into silence by making quantum ludicrous scat laden analogous leaps in equating the implementation of a Biblical worldview with the Taliban?s cross-eyed perspective.
9. Mothering the Minute. Ministers can?t get involved in studying or speaking out regarding political issues simply because of the ten tons of minutiae they are forced to field. Spending time wet nursing 30-year-olds without a life and being bogged down in committee meetings over which shade of pink paint should be used for the Woman?s Aglow ministerial wing of their church, ministers are lucky if they get to study the scripture nowadays, much less anything else.
In the unending, need-driven narcissistic American church, pastors work overtime for spiritually overweight parishioners regarding issues that ultimately are inconsequential. This is both the fault of the ministers (messiah complex) and fault of the congregants (me-monkey syndrome), and both have got to have an exorcism or something ? if the church is going to tackle pressing cultural issues.
Here are a few tips for the congregation to help avoid the frying of their pastors? brains and actually assist him in laboring for a better tomorrow within our nation.
Do not call him every day to discuss your dorky problems. We all have problems. Suck it up.
Be self-motivated. You shouldn?t need a cheerleader to rouse you in the morning. If you do, then get some Tony Robbins tapes.
Lose you codependency upon your pastor and other church leaders. Grow up, Dinky.
Staff or volunteer to your pastor?s weaknesses.
Don?t force him to do or be at everything that goes on in the church.
Send him, once a year, on the church?s dime, to D.C., a serious worldview conference, and on a month?s paid vacation.
Stock his library with the history of the Jews, of Rome, of Greece, and of Western Civilization.
Make sure he is able to study four hours a day and exercise one hour a day.
Do not call him after 9 pm unless one of your relatives or friends happens to have passed away.
If you do the above for your pastor, and if he?s worth his salt, you will watch him move from babysitting grown ups to slaying giant secular monsters which intend to strip our nation from Biblical influence.
10. It?ll cost them Money. The creepy thing about a lot of ministers is their unwillingness to give political offense when offense is needed, simply because taking a biblical stand on a political issue might cost them their time share in Aspen and their Chrysler Mini-Van. Oh well, what do you expect? Christ had his Judas and evangelicalism has it cheap prostitutes.
Anytime a pastor takes a sturdy stand on a substantial issue, it usually ends up offending some people. If a congregant gets angry because you have just barbequed his favorite ideological golden calf, his cash will leave weeks before his physical body departs to find a church that?ll tickle his ears.
Never fear, pastor. Even though nailing your colors to the mast during putrid political times might cost you a parishioner or two ? don?t sweat it. There are also tens of thousands of serious parishioners who are looking for leaders with the ?nads to lead the church to make its proper stance during days of declension. So ? my advice to you, Mr. Minister, would be to stay the Biblical course against the secular corrupters. I guarantee you four things:
God will send you better soldiers of the cross,
He will supernaturally increase your revenue to labor for His cause,
You won?t have to look the other way when you approach a mirror, and ?
You will sleep better at night knowing that cash couldn?t buy your convictions.
My ClashPoint is this: If Christian ministers would crucify their fear of man, get solidly briefed regarding the chief political issues, not sweat necessary division, not get caught up in last days madness, maintain their hope for tomorrow, understand their liberties under God and our Constitution, not become so heavenly minded they?re no earthly good, focus on the majors and blow off bowing to cash instead of convictions, then maybe ... just maybe ? we will see their influence cause our nation to take a righteous turn away from the secularists? putrid path.
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