With eye-crossingly close presidential polls, it's time to imagine what it would be like to live through the Kerry years. Kerry -- unchanged, he says, by the attacks of Sept. 11 -- promises to take us "to the place we were, where terrorists are ... a nuisance." Flying blind on Sept. 10th. No messy wars on the horizon. No civilizational death struggles in sight. All we have to fear is the occasional attack on the skyscraper, the disco, the embassy, the barracks, the school, the resort, the bus.
Twenty-five Chechens have crossed the Arizona border? What a nuisance. Happy days are here again.
What would Kerry's leadership bring? He has planned his first swoony days in office, a post-election honeymoon, but with the United Nations, not the U.S. Congress. In those first weeks, Kerry would go to the U.N. and "to our traditional allies to affirm that the United States has rejoined the community of nations."
Why wait? Inaugurations are probably overrated. Indeed, the sooner a President Kerry returns from his Mea Culpa Tour, the sooner a President Kerry starts the Iraqi Peace Talks with all factions, including, as France has so tactfully suggested, "a certain number of groups or people who now have chosen the path of resistance by arms." Sounds like Baathist remnants and Al Qaeda affiliates to me. I wonder if the French definition of "arms" includes hacksaws? Oh well. I can see the peace conference now, and the White House photo-op to follow: John, Jacques, maybe Moqtada. Which must be what Kerry means by "global test."
But first, that quick lap around the oil-for-food wing of the U.N. Security Council. For what else is Kerry's "community of nations" but those biggest wheels on the take from Saddam Hussein -- France, Germany, Russia, China? (Yes, the same nations that obstructed pre-war U.S. efforts at the Security Council.) Meanwhile, the 30 nations of Bush's coalition just might be "no-go" zones for a President Kerry after all the garbage Candidate Kerry has heaped on their contributions to the war on terror.
"Immoral" is what Poland's President Aleksander Kwasniewski calls his Kerry treatment. Italy, a nation that has bled for Iraq, is smarting anew over an old Kerry slap broadcast on Italian television this week. "The Iraqi army," Kerry said before the war, "is in such bad shape even the Italian army could kick their butts."