This victory for hashtag diplomacy comes on the heels of another major hashtag victory for the Obama administration in the conflict in Ukraine. On April 24, State Department Spokesman Jen Psaki tweeted “The world stands #UnitedforUkraine. Let’s hope the #Kremlin & @mfa_russia will live by the promise of hashtag,” and, as the world now knows, Russia immediately retreated and apologized.
The Obama administration’s foreign policy successes through Twitter are expected to usher in a new era of U.S. influence around the world. When reached for comment, thousands upon thousands of victims of Saddam Hussein’s rape rooms said, “What’s Twitter? And while what’s happening to these girls is tragic, why do Democrats feel called to action in this case but didn’t seem bothered by our plight and treat our liberation from the Hussein hell as some sort of waste of time? Do we not count?”
Syrian civilians refused to comment on this new tactic, saying they were too busy digging graves under a “big red line” that appeared from nowhere, then did nothing, to bury tens of thousands of people murdered by chemical weapons.
No one in Darfur returned our calls for comment by press time.
When reached for comment, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said everything already was known about Benghazi and there was no need to ask any questions. When we clarified that we weren’t asking about Benghazi, she responded, “This is a partisan witch-hunt.” When we reiterated that we were asking about the kidnapped Nigerian girls, she responded “Republicans want to make sure those girls don’t receive equal pay for equal work,” at which point we gave up.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid blamed the Koch brothers and said “this incident will only exacerbate ‘climate disruption’ if we don’t raise taxes now.” We tried to explain the question to him again, but he just mumbled “Koch brothers” several more times while trying repeatedly to open a janitor’s closet claiming he heard there was a cowboy poetry slam in there.
White House Spokesmodel Jay Carney told reporters President Obama would consider tweeting about this and other foreign policy issues himself when he finished golfing, but Carney couldn’t specify when, or if, that might be.