Derek Hunter

President Barack Obama has a tough job. In between rounds of golf, fancy vacations, basketball games, workouts, sporting events, concerts in the White House, fundraisers, date nights and all the other things he loves for us to pay for him to do, he’s pledged he “will not rest until businesses are investing again and businesses are hiring again.” It’s a thankless job. (READ: He’s never once thanked us.)

But somehow, in addition to tirelessly relaxing, he still finds time to complain about Republicans in Congress not giving him what he wants.

On a taxpayer-funded campaign trip to the swing state of Ohio this week, the president finally announced he’s no longer interested in the oath he swore to the Constitution and will bypass the Senate to appoint whomever he likes to whatever positions he wants.

He called it a “recess appointment,” even though Congress isn’t in recess, and it’s part of his “We can’t wait” campaign to justify his dictatorial desires. The thing about totalitarians is they’re never content. No amount of power is enough. They’re like those junkies addicted to meth on Intervention – only with better teeth.

In their typical style, his top stooges in Congress, Democrat leaders Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, rolled over and “presented” in response to this presidential power grab. They’re power junkies too, only their “source” dried up, thanks to the 2010 elections.

They understand President Obama is a busy man. Plus, it’s winter, which means fewer hours of sunlight, which means he must dispense with duties quickly if he is to squeeze in 18 holes when the weather cooperates.

That means not just this new definition of recess, but, of late, an “executive order” spree as well.

In an effort to help our president remove some of the stress he’s under, I decided to write down a few ideas I suspect are rolling around in his head. That way, when the temperature goes above 50, he can just copy and paste them into an executive order and hit the links without delay. Don’t thank me. I’m a giver.

Executive Order – The Preamble to the Constitution is henceforth changed from “We The People” to “I ‘The One.’”

Executive Order – The 22nd Amendment is hereby changed to read “No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than once…and that term shall be for his natural-born life.” This is effective retroactively to the last Presidential election.

Executive Order – In golf, the president gets one mulligan per hole, not per round like everyone else. This will be known as the Bill Clinton Amendment.

Executive Order – My old body man, Reggie Love, is granted his MBA so he can come back and hang out with me. So long, that is, as he hasn’t taken any economics classes yet. Can’t have him calling me out.

Executive Order – Every house is required to have a box of cake mix that can’t be used unless and until my wife accidentally utters the words “Let them eat cake.” It must be a low-fat, tasteless cake mix.

Executive Order – When I fill out brackets for the NCAA basketball tournament, that’s how the teams will finish. Period!

Executive Order – Fox News is illegal and Roger Ailes is public enemy No.1. Freedom of speech is too important to be exercised by people who disagree with me.

Executive Order – The Supreme Court is expanded from nine justices to 15 with the additional positions to be filled on a rotating basis by editorial board members of the New York Times and MSNBC hosts.

Executive Order – All copies of the movie “Fast and Furious” and all its sequels are to be destroyed. I don’t ever want to hear that phrase again.

Executive Order – The necessary funds are hereby allocated to begin adding my face to Mt. Rushmore. You know it’s going to happen. Why wait?

Executive Order – Hereafter, not only is criticizing my policies racist, but criticizing those who call criticism of my policies racist is racist. Also, criticizing this executive order is racist. This is to be enforced by the media. Wait. Scratch this one. Already happening.

These are just a few ideas that should get him through the end of the month…or at least the week. When he runs out, I’ll write more. After all, we can’t wait!

Being president is a thankless job, which to progressives means we haven’t thanked the president enough for ignoring the Constitution.  As he said when announcing his recess appointment of Richard Cordray to head the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB), “…when Congress refuses to act, and as a result, hurts our economy and puts our people at risk, then I have an obligation as president to do what I can without them. I’ve got an obligation to act on behalf of the American people.”

That pesky oath of office aside, don’t you feel better knowing we have a president willing to overwrite our entire system of government for our own good? Sure, it’s the exact same sort of executive power grab progressive Democrats decried when a Republican was president, but a Republican isn’t president now.

Now “an obligation to act” for our own good, as he determines it, ranks right up there with “for the children” in the progressive lexicon. And who knows better what you need; a man you’ll never meet, living a life of luxury on your dime, and a faceless bureaucracy created by him and his “well intentioned” political allies, or you?

It can’t be long before the president issues an executive order declaring that, so you better just accept it now.

(If you have any suggestions for Presidential Executive Orders to help Obama save time, leave them in the comment section and I’ll forward it to the White House. Or laugh hysterically at them. Either way, it’s win-win.)


Derek Hunter

Derek Hunter is Washington, DC based writer, radio host and political strategist. You can also stalk his thoughts 140 characters at a time on Twitter.