What I'd like to see in 2002
12/30/2001 12:00:00 AM - Debra J. Saunders
These are a few things I'd like to see in 2002.
-- The Marin, Calif., parents of John Walker actually refer to their 20-year-old al Qaeda-graduate son as an adult.
-- Osama bin Laden is caught trying to sneak out of Afghanistan in a burqa; Al Jazeera broadcasts video of bin Laden trying to shield himself behind his wives.
-- The Pentagon dumps its directive ordering female military personnel in Saudi Arabia to wear an abaya (veil) when off base.
-- Actress Angelina Jolie appears in a movie in which she actually closes her mouth.
-- Former Symbionese Liberation Army activist Sara Jane Olson finds herself behind bars after being on the lam for some 26 years for her role in the attempted bombing of two L.A. police cars. After recognizing that it's time to take responsibility for her actions, she owns up to her guilty plea.
-- Marc Rich -- remember the fugitive billionaire pardoned by President Clinton? -- officially renounces his U.S. citizenship and decides to stay in Switzerland. Rich, however, does offer to fund the PR effort to boost America's view of the "Clinton legacy."
-- United Airlines improves its poor labor relations record and goes a year without slowdowns or strikes.
-- The Berkeley, Calif., City Council passes a resolution banning stupid, gratuitous resolutions. After much debate, the council rewrites the measure to suggest that all resolutions actually be resolutions -- then members applaud themselves for their courage.
-- The French government tells the United States: Go ahead, execute Zacarias Moussaoui if he's guilty of terrorism.
-- O.J. finds the real killer. Oops, that means he has to turn himself in.
-- California Gov. Gray Davis decides that he has spent too much time raising campaign money -- at a clip of $1 million a month -- and devotes himself to working with the state Legislature.
-- Former L.A. Mayor Dick Riordan -- who is one of three Republicans running against Davis for governor -- does not donate money to the Davis re-election campaign.
-- Some 15 years after the Loma Prieta earthquake, construction for a new Eastern span of the Bay Bridge actually begins.
-- Other news media stop accusing the Fox News Channel of bias -- and instead look at their own operations.
-- The National Organization for Women does not leap to the defense of the next white, middle-class mother who kills her children.
-- Carolyn Condit throws out her husband, Gary -- before he fails to be re-elected.
-- Harry Potter and "Lord of the Rings" books prompt preteens to read more books and watch less television.
-- Abercrombie & Fitch feels heat from parents who choose to boycott the store until it changes its marketing and A&F releases a quarterly quasi-catalog in which everyone is clothed.
-- University of California chancellors decide to concentrate on academic excellence, not political correctness.
-- Top Enron executives offer to support those retirees who lost most of their retirement savings when the company filed for bankruptcy.
-- Americans become skeptical of doomsday predictions about the theoretical threats of global warming and genetically modified foods.
-- The quest for energy independence prompts American consumers to turn away from gas-guzzling cars; their new vehicles yield better gas mileage than the federally mandated fleet average.
And, in that spirit, Sen. Dianne Feinstein decides to do more than propose tougher federal legislation. She sells her SUVs.