David Harsanyi

He's just being modest. Trump offers a little something for everyone. A "conservative," he has supported universal health care, backed high taxes and low taxes, been pro-life and pro-choice, and been a free trader in his own dealing but a strict isolationist for the rest of us. He's given his money to Newt Gingrich and Ted Kennedy, to George W. Bush and John Kerry.

Now, granted, I am a mere speck of dust compared with a man like Trump. (I learned that from browsing through the classic Trump tome "Think Big and Kick Ass in Business and Life.") It's also true that in more idyllic times, the super-rich had the decency to pull those gold-plated plutocratic puppet strings anonymously to let us believe we actually ran things.

But this magnificently megalomaniacal TV host is special. I know I'll be signing that petition. Because a Donald run promises to be even more entertaining than "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York" -- my favorite movie featuring Trump. And that's saying a lot.