For President Obama, some instructional literature: A transcript of a Jay Leno monologue in which the comic demonstrated his superior grasp of Economics 101 by suggesting that Obama's insistence that the government must spend us out of the recession is as silly as a drunkard trying to drink his way free of alcoholism. Maybe Larry Summers should be replaced with Leno. Another nice gift we might send: a framed photo of former President Carter, in the White House, huddled in his sweater, telling Americans to turn down their thermostats and sacrifice for the greater good. Maybe a gold-plated tire gauge, too.
For Charlie Rangel, a copy of Quicken, a gift certificate for H.R. Block, and a prescription for memory pills. Forgetting where your keys are, well, we all do that - but misplacing a half million dollars? And forgetting about property you own on a tropical island?
For the aforementioned, increasingly, violently frustrated and agitated Mr. Olbermann, a prescription for medical marijuana, so he can calm down.
For federal government employees earning, on average, 30 percent more than private sector counterparts in the same jobs, according to USA Today, an immediate 25 percent pay cut. (Instead of interfering with compensation paid by private businesses, how 'bout pointing that pay czar at the government's gigantic payroll? The government is broke. When a business is in dire straits, it cuts pay and cuts staff. Time for Uncle Sammy to do the same. (Kudos to USA TODAY for the analysis, by the way. Media doing its job seems as rare as sightings of flying reindeer. But 'tis the season.)
For Al Gore, a cell adjacent to Bernie Madoff's, so the two biggest con artists of our time can enjoy each other's company, and Mr. Gore's enormous carbon footprint can actually be reduced.
For Hillary Clinton, our profound sympathies.