If that’s the case, my face is red and I apologize. Heck, The Great Gore might have been on The View this very day explaining to those women who so admire and adore him everything he’s doing to free the sister of one of their former on-air colleagues. I fear watching The View at least as much as being water-boarded, so I’d have missed that.
Or, maybe Al’s so busy changing out the light bulbs at his gigantic house or painting its roof energy-conservation-white or building windmills on its acres that he has missed news of the hostage crisis altogether. Easy to do, given that – as much as the media loves labeling just about anything a crisis – they aren’t calling this a hostage crisis. You may only see that term used here.
There is one other possibility. That The Great Gore is not very great at all. That he is a pompous blowhard and pretender and about as humanitarian as a tin can. That he is a yellow-bellied coward; a selfish narcissist not about to fritter away a dime of his quite enormous wealth, endanger his image or ego through risked failure, or sacrifice political capital by demanding action from our government or the feckless U.N. or the world community that’s bestowed so many laurels on him. That he has no influence or integrity. That he is perfectly willing to hide and cower and hope that, soon, the media will stop mentioning the hostages altogether. Then it’ll be safe for him to reappear on Jon Stewart’s Daily Show to lecture us all about the size of our cars or the aerosol cans we buy or the bottled water in our fridges.
Surely this can’t be the inconvenient truth of The Great Gore, can it? No. He must have just missed this. Maybe somebody who knows the big guy could e-mail this to him, so he need not look like such a fraud for even another day. Surely with this crisis brought to his attention, he’ll leap into action. I’ll check the news at 11.