Q. I've never watched so much news in my life. I feel like an ambulance chaser addicted to the adrenaline. Everyone in my workplace also spends all their time talking about their fears. Is being scared all the time going to create what I'm afraid of?
A. Absolutely not!
I know there are theories (like "The Secret") that imply negative feelings will attract bad things to you. If you believe these theories, you have one more thing to be afraid of -- your negative feelings.
Feelings are like internal weather, they come and they go. In 30 years I have never found a technique that makes feelings go away, nor have I seen a single person damaged by their internal feelings.
I do see people who deny their feelings and then make bad choices. If we can't stand our anxiety for instance, we'll drink, overwork or act in other impulsive ways because we can't stand our fear. If we sit and feel our fear, we pause and make better decisions.
Feelings provide us with energy. The idea is to use the energy behind a feeling. If we only acknowledge our "positive" feelings, we are losing the energy behind the other 50 percent of our emotions.
Many of us are not just trying to manage our own anxieties, we're marinating in workplaces full of fear. When human beings are afraid, it's helpful to seek the shelter of each other. Conversation about fear can comfort us. Then we need to get on to the business of focusing on what we can do.
One of the most frightening but liberating aspects of our current economy is we are finding out other people are not going to save us. Each of us needs to be willing to save ourselves.
In your workplace, don't fear your fear (it can't hurt you). Do activities that help you have tranquility daily (meditate, practice yoga, walk, get a dog, find a sweetheart or hug your kid). Get all the information you can about what scares you. Take every action you can on the events you can control.
Next time your group starts "ambulance chasing," validate their anxiety, and propose a change of topic: "What can we do to be responsible for solutions and our well being?"
No matter how insignificant you think you are, each of you has an important role right now. You can provide a bubble of calm as people spin around you by allowing your fear and focusing on what you can influence. You can help others be less afraid of their fear by not fearing yours. You can introduce the idea that conversations about fear are the beginning of change and not the end of the world.
The last word(s)
Q. We have a "bring your kid to work" day coming up. Is there any downside to exposing my kid to the stress of the workplace now?
A. No.