Burt Prelutsky

If you’re curious as to what ultimately opened Carter’s eyes to the atrocities committed in the name of Allah by his erstwhile friends in the Islamic world, wondering whether it was the slavery, the denial of education and basic human rights or that old Muslim standby, genital mutilation, wonder no more. You see Carter wasn’t condemning the barbaric way that Islamics treat their women, he was merely explaining why, at the age of 84, he was leaving the Southern Baptist Church!

Well I for one am heartened that someone finally blew the whistle on the way those doggone Baptists are always forcing the womenfolk to stay in their kitchens for hours on end cooking up Thanksgiving dinners and 4th of July potlucks. It’s simply intolerable that such things are still taking place in this day and age in what is allegedly a civilized nation. Even the Muslims can’t imagine why Baptist women continue to put up with it.

I anticipate that the next news flash will be the announcement that the 39th president, aka Mr. Peanut, has converted and that, henceforth, he will be known as Osama bin Carter.