Burt Prelutsky

The Black Sox scandal, as it came to be known, could have destroyed the game if not for Landis’s integrity. As a sidebar, it should be noted that in spite of looking like a very austere undertaker, Landis was known as a very soft touch. Every down and out ex-major leaguer knew that Landis was always ready to reach for his wallet.

After straightening out baseball and Hollywood, I would turn my attention to Washington, D.C. With me in charge, people like Barbara Boxer, Harry Reid, Charles Schumer, Pat Leahy, Charley Rangel and Chris Dodd, would all be free to go home and play with the grandkids. Robert Byrd would be free to go home and play with the great-great-great-grandkids, and Barney Frank would just be free to go home and play.

With no further need of a Supreme Court, we’d no longer have to sit through such spectacles as seeing the likes of Ted Kennedy, John Kerry and Arlen Specter, sitting in judgment of their betters, people such as Clarence Thomas and Charles Pickering.

People like Bob Beckel and James Carville, who have spent their lives sucking at the teat of the DNC, would have to find honest work, and I’d see to it that Bill Maher, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews and Al Franken, found employment as a barbershop quartet. After all, they’re already in perfect harmony, so let these bozos sing for their supper.

As for George Soros, a man who simultaneously manages to give Hungarians, Jews and money-changers, a bad name, he would go on trial for being a Nazi collaborator. To be fair, he was still a teenager at the time. But, like Bill Ayers, he is proudly unrepentant. As he explained to Steve Croft on “60 Minutes,” if he hadn’t helped the Nazis confiscate the belongings of his fellow Jews, someone else would have. And, no, he went on, he’s never been troubled by bad dreams or a guilty conscience when he watched his friends and neighbors being herded into boxcars.

Finally, if I were boss, we’d hear no more claptrap about the Fairness Doctrine. In case anyone is wondering why, after all these years, the Democrats have declared war on Rush Limbaugh, it’s not entirely their clumsy attempt to distract us from the crumbling economy and Obama’s heavy-handed attempt to turn us into the Soviet Union of America, it’s to help gain popular support for the more aptly named Censorship Bill.

After all, the other side only has the Oval Office, the House, the Senate, NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, PBS, the New York Times, the L.A. Times, Newsweek, Time and the Washington Post, whereas the all-powerful conservatives have talk radio. As the liberals are so fond of saying, it’s just not fair.