Burt Prelutsky

It did occur to me recently that half a century ago, Khrushchev announced that socialism would bury capitalism. It seems he was right. We were worried about the Soviet Union, but, like the French with their Maginot Line, which they assumed would keep Germany at bay, only to find that the Nazis went around it by first invading Belgium, capitalist America lost the war, although nary a bomb was dropped or a shot fired. We simply trooped out like lemmings and elected a left-wing community organizer who speaks in the dulcet tones of a radio announcer and thinks like a Vladimir Lenin hand puppet.

Today, I heard the latest pronouncement from our glorious leader, the great and powerful Oz. He said he didn’t want Americans whipsawed by bursts of either bad or good news, and that he was highly optimistic about our economic future. Oddly enough, yesterday he announced that this was the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression.

So the way I figure it, in order to avoid being whipsawed, the secret is to only listen to Obama on either odd or even days of the week.