Burt Prelutsky

It’s not true that I go through life constantly irked by the lunacy that surrounds us all. That would be a ridiculous exaggeration. After all, sometimes I’m asleep.

One of the things that does drive me batty is the widespread belief that professors are the smartest people in America. And by widespread, I’m not just referring to the faculty lounges on our college campuses. I only wish I were. But every time you turn around, some academician is spouting off on the op-ed page of your local news rag or giving advice to a politician or bloviating on some talk show. Now it would be one thing if they stuck to the subject they’ve been lecturing on for the past 30 or 40 years. But who wants to hear somebody go on at length about Hungarian poetry in the 18th century or pre-Columbian artifacts? Certainly not you or I and, least of all, his captive undergrads. But if he has a Ph.D after his name and gets to call himself Doctor, even though he can’t even set a broken arm or prescribe an antibiotic, he is allowed, even encouraged, to pass himself off as an authority on any number of unrelated topics.

Something else that galls me are illegal aliens and the incomprehensible way that they’re treated. We not only have churches, but entire cities offering these scofflaws sanctuary. To make matters even worse, we give them all sorts of enticements, ranging from free medical attention to free college tuition. Then, when one of them is actually caught -- even if it’s as a result of committing a felony -- we, as often as not, deport them. What’s the deal with that? It’s not as if Mexico is on the other side of the world. It’s no wonder that some thugs get deported over and over again. Instead of a wall, all we’ve got at our southern border is a well-oiled revolving door. I guarantee you that if we sent them off to Arizona to serve their sentences under the eagle eye of Sheriff Joe Arpaio, when they got out life back in Chihuahua and Jalisco wouldn’t look half bad.

A third thing that gets my dander up is James Dobson. I used to think he was a pretty sensible fellow. He had some sober thoughts to share on families and the raising of kids. But, then, he started getting in the middle of things he should have saved for dinner table conversation at the Dobsons. The last public statement I heard from him was when he advised his followers to stay home on election day in 2008 if Rudy Giuliani or Fred Thompson is the Republican candidate for president.