Not too long ago, I saw a list of the 10 careers most likely to be around in the future. It was interesting, although I think they fudged a little when they claimed that one of the jobs was being a parent. Granted, parenthood can be a lot of things, including a curse, but it’s hardly a profession. You might as well add to the list being an offspring. In fact, these days, the way that people in their 30s and 40s continue to scrounge off their aging moms and dads, it appears to be a career with a lot of perks. One of which is that there’s no risk of having your gig out-sourced to some stranger in India or the Philippines.
Frankly, I think they only included parenting so they could round things off. List makers always like to have 10 items. I mean, you never hear about the nine best movies of the year or the 14 worst presidents or the 127 stupidest things Al Gore ever said.
There are certain discrepancies on the list. For instance, criminals are mentioned but cops aren’t. Neither, for that matter, are lawyers and judges. Is it possible that the next generation will still have crime, which we’ve all come to accept as a regrettable part of life, but will be spared a legal system that makes a mockery of truth and justice and gives all of us heartburn on a daily basis?
Death and the IRS, it seems, are here to stay, inasmuch as morticians and tax collectors both made the cut. Speaking of that bunch of weasels who devote their lives to squeezing every last drop of blood out of us—and I’m not referring to the folks down at the mortuary—I’d like to know the wise guy who named that outfit the Internal Revenue Service. Service is what I get from a waitress. How dare these bottom-feeding guttersnipes claim to be providing a service? Robin Hood and his merry men had the right idea. They pantsed the tax collectors every chance they got. That’s why they were so darn merry.
Apparently, religious leaders will still find work, but neither doctors nor dentists were mentioned. The mind reels. Does that mean that everyone’s going to join the Christian Science Church?
Barbers and soldiers will be sticking around, which suggests that for the foreseeable future, G.I.s will continue getting those funny haircuts.
Artists, by which I assume they’re stretching the definition to include rap singers, blue comics and mimes will still be with us—whether all us barbers and morticians want them to or not.
Rounding out the list are prostitutes and politicians. But, alas, I repeat myself.