Burt Prelutsky

I understand that George Bush and his Republican colleagues think they can have it both ways with this so-called guest worker program. Well, they can’t. Gussy it up any which way you like, it’s still amnesty. And like Reagan’s amnesty program of 1986, it will be another disaster for America.

Either the GOP is for more and more Mexicans coming across the border or they’re not. But they should be warned that, if it’s the former, they run the very real risk of eliminating themselves as a major political party. Even though I realize that taking a strong, principled stand on this issue could alienate certain major business interests and the Catholic hierarchy, I’m convinced that not doing so will constitute political suicide.

A few years ago, I suggested that if Republican challenger Bill Simon were to have any shot at unseating our inept governor, Gray Davis, he had to come out forcefully against the epidemic that was bleeding California’s schools, health services and prisons, dry of much needed funds. Simon, a man with the looks and charisma of Mortimer Snerd, came surprisingly close, losing by a scant four percent. I have no doubt he would have won if he’d taken my advice. By not daring to risk offending the Hispanic voters, who naturally went overwhelmingly for the Democrat anyway, Simon merely gave the state’s conservatives a good excuse to stay home on election day.

Any Republican who believes that turning a blind eye to the problem will generate boundless gratitude among Mexican voters is probably the same sort of pinhead who harbors the hope that blacks and Jews will soon be lining up to join the party. Being as stupid as they are, perhaps it wouldn’t be such a tragedy if they disappeared from the political landscape, going the way of the dodo and other inferior species. We keep hearing how essential the guest worker program is to our financial well-being. If the ruling class really wanted to do something substantive along those lines, there are a couple of things that come to mind. 

First, they should deport the directors of every company that moves its factories overseas. Let these greedy pigs go live wherever in hell they’ve sent the jobs of hard-working Americans. Or we could slap back-breaking tariffs on the goods they manufacture in those third world cesspools, forcing them to try to turn a profit selling their widgets to the dollar-an-hour workers who produced them.

Finally, I, for one, am getting sick and tired of hearing how without a never-ending stream of uneducated illegals, the entire economy of the greatest industrialized nation in the history of the world would soon collapse like a fallen soufflé.

Frankly, I doubt if the world has heard so much claptrap along those lines since the plantation owners wept into their mint juleps while contemplating the end of slavery.