Burt Prelutsky

As I sit here, I don’t yet know if Rep. Cynthia McKinney is going to face criminal charges for hitting a Capitol Hill police officer. And, frankly, I’m not sure if I want to see her charged. 

It’s not that I wouldn’t be delighted at the prospect of having her marched off to the cooler. But the truth is that’s not going to happen. Even if she were to be indicted, and even if they were to go through the trouble and expense of putting her on trial, are any of us so naïve as to expect a member of Congress -- especially a female, and a black one at that -- to do jail time?

Another reason I don’t want them to go through the motions is that I have already seen enough of Rep. McKinney and heard enough from her to last me several lifetimes.

And still one more reason is that I don’t want to find myself generalizing about the good people of Georgia, as I’m sure I would if I kept seeing this arrogant dimwit on the news night after night. After all, I live in Southern California, home of people like Barbra Streisand, Rob Reiner, and Charlie Sheen. So you can see why, living in this glass house, I’d prefer not to be tempted to throw stones. But, holy moly, you folks in Atlanta, who have elected this national embarrassment on six separate occasions, really do have some explaining to do.

The best excuse I can come up with is that by keeping her in Washington, you have managed to foist her off on the rest of us and kept her away from Peach Street. But, when it comes to offending large groups of people, even McKinney was no match for those mobs of Latinos who recently marched down the streets of America, waving Mexican flags. If that was someone’s idea of the best way to win friends and influence people, that someone is an idiot.

Recently, I heard two guys on a sports show discussing the new pitching coach for the Atlanta Braves. They agreed he was well-qualified, but they felt he would be working under somewhat of a handicap because he didn’t speak Spanish, and would therefore have a problem communicating with certain members of the staff. No doubt they’re right, but what I’d like to know is why these pitchers haven’t taken the time to learn English. After all, it’s no secret that from an early age, kids all over Latin America set their sights on playing ball in los Estados Unidos. We also know that certain American teams have created and subsidized baseball academies south of the border. So, how is it that nobody has taken the time to teach these kids something besides how to throw a slider?




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