Caffeine, nicotine, sugar and fat, are the modern day bogeymen for adults. They strike the same terror in our hearts that a child experiences every time he hears a creak in his closet or a squeak under his bed. Therewas a time when it took an invasion of Visigoths or a rumor that the Huns were in the neighborhood to make a person's blood run cold; now it only requires that a drop of hydrogenated vegetable oil accidentally touch his lips to make a strong man quake.

The truth is, if you exercise every day, watch your diet, never smoke or drink, you may outlive the fat couch potato next door. Or, depending on your respective genes, you may not.

My point is that the way people carry on, you’d think the difference between living to be 30 and living to be a robust 600 is an hour-a-day on the treadmill. Folks have been brainwashed into ignoring the evidence, into believing that immortality is just a matter of jogging, cutting out dairy products, and guzzling several gallons of water-a-day.

And as a result, are you all living longer lives? No, not really. They only seem longer because you are living lives of quiet deprivation.

As I see it, you can live a stressful life, filled with calorie counting and worrying about all the silent killers just lurking about waiting for the chance to knock you off, or you can take my advice and stop acting like a bunch of big babies.

It is my suggestion that you learn to live comfortably with the idea that, all things being equal, the health nut will outlive you by 4.7 years, but he'll have wasted 16.3 years going nowhere on his exercycle and his rowing machine.

To me, it is a choice between living free or living shackled by the tyrannies of fear and vanity. The answer, I suggest, is a piece of cake.

Or maybe two.