In Chapter 14, Javerbaum's God adds the convenient smear that religious traditionalists are all secretly gay. "It is an undeniable fact that those clergymen harshest in their condemnation of gays and lesbians are often those struggling hardest against their own hidden urges; which is why they cannot even preach straight. It was certainly true in regard to the serpent in the Garden; and it has certainly been true of many other `men of God' in all three of my great religions who have spoken out against homosexuality."
Then the smear gets specific. God just declares outright that televangelist "Joel Osteen is gay." Our God doesn't actually accuse Osteen of having cheated on his wife of 24 years, Victoria. It's just that "in the secret recesses of his heart, Joel Osteen yearns for the tender touch of another man. This is subjective, and intangible, and lies beyond the bounds of libel laws." This ersatz Almighty protests that unlike the televangelists, "I am in no way homophobic."
In fact, to promote the book, Javerbaum and Co. created a cartoon "It Getteth Better" video for gay youth in which God denounces conservative priests and other ministers as "wack peeps" and "straight-up haters." He mocks the Bible as filled with stupid passages. He declares, "It's not that 10 percent of thee came out defective; it's that I'm 10 percent gay. Fifteen percent whenever I see Ryan Reynolds." He concludes "Let me say Amen, or rather Ah, gay men," and then winks.
The last time Javerbaum had this much fun mocking religious people was writing songs for the 2008 Stephen Colbert "Christmas special." He had country singer Toby Keith proclaiming when the War on Christmas ends, liberals are going to be beheaded. Keith sang, "You can call me un-Christian, but that's not true / Buddy, I've got a present for you." Then, the audience saw a house exploding, and Santa and two little kids laughing at the violence.
Once you've mocked Santa Claus as a murderous psycho, taking a whack at God is a no-brainer. Anyone who actually believed in God or the apparently archaic concept of blasphemy wouldn't be so eager to take the Lord's name in vain with such gleeful abandon. Such is the dreadful state of our top publishing houses and television networks.
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