Winner: Los Angeles County prosecutors, for ignoring the Beautiful People and daring to nab director Roman Polanski on a child rape charge he fled in 1977 despite Hollywood's claim that he had too much "empathy" as an artist to be bothered.
Loser: Whoopi Goldberg embarrassed herself mightily for saying of the act of sodomizing a 13-year-old girl "wasn't rape-rape." And she wasn't sane-sane.
Loser: David Letterman, who apparently still thinks we think it's pretty funny that he sent the clear message to female employees that having sex with him would be a good career move, even after he got married. He couldn't resist joking about the Tiger Woods adultery scandal, including a plea to Woods to stop calling him for advice.
Loser: That vile Internet gossip Perez Hilton, for insisting every contestant has to accept every political whim of the gay left to have a chance at being Miss America. After surging to prominence with crude gossip and cruder pictures (often penciling in obscene images) on his website, aren't his 15 minutes of infamy up yet?
Loser: Larry David, for taking his HBO show, "Curb Your Enthusiasm," to ridiculous extremes. Take the plot where David's character takes some drug that causes him to urinate wildly and, while using the bathroom at a co-worker's house, urinates on a painting of Jesus hanging on a wall next to the toilet. His co-worker then believed the portrait was a miracle -- a weeping Jesus. Even this show's fans think David should take his bigotry elsewhere in 2010.
Loser: Everyone around the world who wasted hours watching the "Balloon Boy" hoax in October, when fame-addicted parents Richard and Mayumi Heene of Fort Collins, Colo., featured twice on the ABC reality show "Wife Swap," claimed their son Falcon was floating away in a homemade helium balloon. (Falcon was instead hiding in the attic.)
Winner: Everyone around the world. The authorities of Fort Collins pressed charges. On Dec. 23, Richard Heene was sentenced to 90 days in jail and Mayumi Heene to 20 days of weekend jail.