The newly crude snowman also encourages the little white rabbit in the cartoon to indulge his sexual fantasies: "You should have hit that. Dude, your pants were already off. You had a classroom full of people to cheer you on. And you can't knock her up because it's a dream."
The Frosty-trashing lines were not limited to sex. The snowman was willing to punch anyone: "Come on, that's my thing. I'm always punching guys. Girls. I'll punch a baby. I don't care." Riding in Santa's sleigh and waving, Frosty says, "My guy at the DA's office scored us front-row seats to a lethal injection!" Why these lines are followed by a laugh track is a mystery.
CBS ends this awful promo with the on-screen line "Some Holiday Classics Are Better Left Untouched," as if the irony gives them a free pass. Graphics promote the airing of the original "Frosty" cartoons on Dec. 18, along with the racy "How I Met Your Mother" on Mondays.
That was bad enough. But wait, there's more. CBS also made another video with Charlie Sheen ruining "Frosty" clips with lines from another CBS Monday night smutcom, "Two and a Half Men." We are once more treated to revolting dialogue, with Sheen's fractured Frosty discussing the rash on his private parts; how he just had to pass gas; how the ancient Romans were great for their orgies and bulimia; and how he liked to pick up "do-able grandmas" and single mothers in the parking lot of Chuck E. Cheese restaurants.
Why do the sickos in Hollywood have to put their whips and chains and sordid brains all over every last acre of innocence? Why wage a war on childhood happiness, as if it were something that must be destroyed?