The comedian-prosecutor dropping invective on Catholics was Greg Giraldo, who confessed up front: "As a product of 12 years of Catholic school, I will argue that the Catholic Church is the root of all evil. I will do so while feeling guilty and scared, and that guilt and fear, your honor, is exactly why the Catholic Church is the root of all evil. Well, that and a few other things, mostly the boy (molesting), but also the guilt and fear."
Giraldo didn't seem out for laughs, just for dumping a crate of hate from his childhood: "The Catholic Church is also evil because it has such a grip over the mindless masses that they'll wait in line, thousands of them, in the rain, just to get a glimpse of a pork rind in the shape of the Virgin Mary. Then there's the Virgin Mary. The Virgin Mary! God impregnated Mary. We have a whole religion based on one woman who reeeeeeally stuck to her story."
Giraldo claimed the church "infantilizes its believers. It's creepy to call someone Father when he's not my father, especially when I'm sitting on his thumb." But Black also mocked Catholics from the opposite direction, joking the church lacks devout believers, that Oprah fans vs. Catholics was "a battle between devout worshippers and the Catholic Church."
Giraldo mocked Pope Benedict's clothing: "The Pope to me is a hypocrite, in his Prada loafers and his ball gown. How can he condemn homosexuality when he dresses like he's on his way to Nickel Cosmo Night at the Veiny-Shafts Tavern?"
Of course, Giraldo had to drag out the Spanish Inquisition, making jokes about how the Church invented waterboarding for the current administration and tortured thousands with tools named the "head crusher," the "breast ripper" and the "Judas cradle."
Comedy Central also touted a phone poll where viewers could vote for which side they thought was closer to "the root of all evil." The audience at home picked the Catholic Church by a margin of 54 to 46 percent. I hope the phone pollsters at Alltel Wireless never want another Catholic customer.
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