As a demonstration of the intended atmosphere, the show featured teenage girls in bikinis bathing in an on-stage hot tub directly in front of the podium. The hot tub served no purpose other than to suggest this wasn't a stuffy awards show, but a hot, happening, sexually charged party -- smack-dab in TV's family hour at 8 p.m.
Later in the show, Dane Cook introduced the two 15-year-old winners of a J.C. Penney casting call by joking, "Look at them, so young and innocent, and they'll both be pregnant by the end of the night."
Comedian Marlon Wayans presented an award for best MySpace.com video. That Website is notorious for teenagers posting inappropriate pictures of themselves, and Wayans joked to the teen audience that "you've got to be naked to get in my (MySpace) Top Eight." A rapper named Chingy helped introduce the best love-song category by noting love songs are good for "popping the buttons" of girls' clothing.
Some of the award winners did feel obligated to offer a public service to the teenagers watching. Following one of her three awards, young singer Nelly Furtado threw out the usual "safe sex" sermon: "If you are going to be sexually active, then be safe and use a condom." A rapper named Timbaland added, "Don't be promiscuous."
Ironically -- no, hypocritically -- these comments followed their performance of their big hit song, "Promiscuous Girl." Timbaland raps, "I can see you with nothing on, feeling on me before you bring that on." Furtado sings back, "Promiscuous boy ... what are you waiting for?"
Even some of the nominees and winners were objectionable. ABC's trashy series "Desperate Housewives" was nominated in the Comedy/Musical category. These are role models for children? The "Choice" animation show winner was Fox's own sleazy "Family Guy," the epitome of Hollywood's pillaging of decency in primetime.
Every -- EVERY -- episode seeks to offend on as many fronts as possible. Masturbation, defecation, racial insults, sexual innuendo, foul language ... it is all common fodder for this putrid primetime offering. In one episode this season, God was shown in bed with a woman who hands him a condom, to which God replies, "But it's my birthday!"
All of which is why I want to shake the hands of the Disney folks.
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