Betsy Hart

Now I suppose that many folks would argue a couple should be able to show off at their own wedding. But that's the problem -- we really do consider weddings and marriages to be all about and only about the two people involved. The growing popularity of "Vegas shows" at these nuptials may only be a symptom of a larger problem: "All about me" marriages.

Rather, a wedding should really honor the couple and their commitment to the larger community and to God. When a marriage is "all about me" or even "us," that's a recipe for disaster. Marriage is about connecting to something much bigger than any two people; it's about connecting to the very fabric of a civilized society and understanding it's not "all about me" and what a relief that can be! It's about giving our spouse the freedom to fail, and loving him anyway and growing in character in the process and being loved in turn when we fail.

Theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer once beautifully wrote that marriage is ultimately not about making us happy in the moment, it's about making us holy over time. (And how often the latter leads to the former.)

OK, maybe I'm reading way too much into tacky young people staging elaborate dance productions and other "look at me" trends in weddings. But just in case, I've told my best friends that if I if get married again and in a moment of weakness start talking about choreographers or any other such nonsense for the wedding, they are to stage an immediate "intervention" on my behalf.

I think some young couples like the ones Saranow describes need better friends.


Betsy Hart

Betsy Hart is a nationally syndicated columnist for the Scripps Howard News Service. Her column on cultural and family issues, “From the Hart,” is distributed each week to hundreds of newspapers cross the country. Betsy’s first book, "It Takes a Parent: How the Culture of Pushover Parenting is Hurting out Kids – and What to do About It," was released in September, 2005, and was a top seller for its publisher, Putnam Books.