3. Gen. Colin Powell. Yes, he's still calling himself a Republican. And no, he isn't recanting his support for Marxist president Barack Obama, who he supported simply based on race. Powell's latest foray into the public square: encouraging Republicans to support the "DREAM Act," a piece of legislation designed to give special benefits to illegal immigrants. Why should Republicans support the DREAM Act? Because -- seriously -- they do work on his house.
"They're all over my house, doing things whenever I call for repairs, and I'm sure you've seen them at your house," he told NBC's "Meet the Press." "We've got to find a way to bring these people out of the darkness." Note to Powell: The easiest way to bring illegal immigrants out of the darkness is to open a Home Depot and provide a water cooler in the parking lot.
2. Sen. Lindsey Graham. He's never met a liberal issue he couldn't embrace if given enough press coverage. Unlike the rest of the folks on this list, he's truly disingenuous -- Graham pretends to be a conservative when grilling Elena Kagan, then votes for her confirmation; he pretends to care about the tea party, but bashes it as "unsustainable." Here's what's unsustainable: Graham's career. Sooner or later, the voters of South Carolina will figure out that he's a used car salesman.
1. Meghan McCain. She's never done anything useful. Ever. Like Bristol Palin, she's got lucky by springing from the right womb. Unlike Bristol Palin, she thinks she knows something about politics. Her book, "Dirty Sexy Politics," is a self-aggrandizing bag of intellectual excrement laden with racy asides. Did you really want to know that a girl who would label herself "voluptuous" on eHarmony likes to tell "tawdry stories about crazy-sex"? (President Clinton, you can put your hand down.)
Here's how McCain's thinking works: She believes that those who oppose gay marriage are "H8ers!" because she has a gay friend named Josh. Yet despite representing precisely zero young conservatives, she has appeared on countless TV shows as the voice of young conservatives.
There you have it. Angry left-wingers, you now have evidence that I cannot stand some Republicans. Just keep one thing in mind: Any of these mental midgets would be able to squash you like a bug. How do I know? None of them use CAPS LOCK.