Three cheers for Democratic Underground posters, shaking things up with your regular psychotic breakdowns. Without you, we'd never know about the threat of President-select Smirky Chimp Bushitler. And kudos to the folks at Huffington Post, who are always there to remind us that Republicans cause hurricanes. Oh yes, and the good people at Indymedia, as well, who won't let us forget what a "dumb jock" Pat Tillman was.
And we would be remiss to overlook the achievements of the vast Internet porn industry, bringing smut to your nearest mis-typed web address. And all hail The Homeless Guy, who has enough time and intellectual capability to write a coherent blog, but not enough time to find a real job. He's been homeless since 1982 -- where will he store his Time trophy?
Time's Person of the Year award used to mean something. It used to signify the importance of the recipient in changing the world, for good or ill. Time has made ridiculous picks before -- Bono, Melissa and Bill Gates (2005); The Whistleblowers (2002); American Women (1975); Young Generation (1966) -- but the idea that everyone on the Internet deserves to be Time's Person of the Year is dumb on the order of banning dodgeball and tag. We're all winners! (Well, except for you folks in China and Iran. You're losers.)
The Internet has been a powerful force. Certain bloggers in particular deserve credit for breaking the stranglehold of the mainstream media. Certain web creators have produced ingenious websites that enrich lives. But really, now. Is everyone a Person of the Year? That angry perv who uses the library to download child porn? That ugly dude who pledges that if enough people visit his website, he'll shave his beard? That lawyer down the hall who owns a fantasy football team called "Motion to Quash"?
In Time's haste to please everyone, they've equated equal opportunity with equal performance. We're not all equally dumb, however. Time's editors win that prize, hands down.