I believe, I tell you! Our country?s savior, John Kerry, will do more than heal paraplegics. He?ll be able to reach out his hands and turn hatred to love! Let his hands rest on the heads of Jacques Chirac and Gerhard Schroeder and they will fall at his feet in convulsions of adoration! ?We need a President who has the credibility to bring our allies to our side and share the burden,? the Boston Healer says. And he?ll do it, even though France and Germany have already said they want no part of the war in Iraq.
And, praise be, John Kerry has shown me the error of my ways. He?s shown me that President Bush hates the poor: ?Well, in the story of the Good Samaritan we are told of two men who pass by or cross to the other side of the street when they come upon a robbed and beaten man. They felt compassion, but there were no deeds ? It is clear: For four years, George W. Bush may have talked about compassion, but he?s walked right by.? He?s shown me how President Bush is really a devil, laughing as former Rep. Carrie Meek told a crowd of Church-goers that the Democratic Savior is ?fighting against liars and demons. ... He challenges the man who walks with a jaunty step.?
I could say more, but I can feel the Divine Kerry Presence beginning to flow through me, and I should wrap this up before I begin speaking in tongues. I believe that John Kerry will turn swords into plowshares. I believe he?ll turn his wife?s fortune into a trust fund for starving babies. I believe he can provide healthcare for all Americans by laying his hands upon the sick. I believe he can feed Americans with fish he catches while windsurfing. I believe he can turn a Wendy?s photo op into a ritzy European dinner. I believe he can ski if those darn Secret Service guys will just get out of his way. I believe he can actually throw a baseball from the pitcher?s mound to home plate on the fly.
I have become a Kerry Apostle. Now if only I could get that giant invisible bunny to stop following me?