This week, Sony Pictures Entertainment optioned the rights to Richard Clarke's "Against All Enemies." The film version of the book is to be produced by John Calley, the former chairman of the entertainment group.
Casting shouldn't be difficult. Rumor has it that Robert Redford will play Richard Clarke, the crusading terrorism chief. No doubt President George W. Bush will be played by Will Ferrell, fresh off his tour-de-force performance in "Elf." Marlon Brando will be rolled onto the set to play Vice President Richard Cheney. Inside sources say Condoleezza Rice will be played by Janet Jackson; some say she won the part with her Rice imitation on "Saturday Night Live."
The movie will be just as unbiased as the book. Perhaps even more so. In fact, an anonymous source has slipped me an early copy of the script. Here are some choice excerpts:
EXT. CAPITOL BUILDING -- DAY
It's Jan. 20, 2001, Inauguration Day for George W. Bush. Outgoing President Bill Clinton stands outside the Capitol Building speaking with Clarke.
Well, Mr. President, it's been a long haul, and a good one. Thanks for your courage and bravery fighting Osama Bin Laden and his evil band.
No, all the praise should go to you, ol' buddy. If we hadn't gotten sidetracked by that silly sex scandal, I would have taken out Al Qaeda. I was just buildin' up to it. They didn't give me enough time.
I know, Mr. President. It was just about sex. And those close-minded prudes ...
FLASH to grainy photo of Kenneth Starr and then back to Clarke.
CLARKE (tears rolling down his face)
... just didn't let you do the job for which you were elected. Well, so long, Mr. President.
I'll never forget what you've done for our country.
WHITE HOUSE CORRIDOR -- DAY
Richard Clarke and Condoleezza Rice are walking to a meeting with President Bush.
Condi, this is stuff you need to pay attention to. Look, Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda are setting up sleeper cells in this country.
RICE (with a puzzled expression)
CLARKE (exasperated, disbelievingly)
You know, Al Qaeda? They attacked us in 1993? They bombed the USS Cole?
RICE (still looking puzzled)
Oh, you mean Saddam? Iraq?
No! Osama Bin Laden. Clinton knew who he was! You should, too! Time is running out! Who knows, they might even hijack airplanes and hit the World Trade Centers and Pentagon, say around the second week in September!