While his support among voters dwindles, the John Kerry alliance of elites is growing. Failed Democratic candidates love him. Unnamed European leaders from Kerry's imagination support him. Dictators, socialists and terrorists are hoping for a Kerry victory in November.
Prominent Democrats are rushing to the Kerry bandwagon. On Sunday, Gov. Howard Dean, fresh off his massive Vermont primary victory, endorsed Kerry as someone who would "make a far better president than George Bush." Kerry politely declined Dean's request to "yell with me, Lurch."
On Monday, Rev. Al Sharpton halfheartedly endorsed Kerry, pledging not to attack the Massachusetts milquetoast. Sharpton also pledged to continue his own "urban agenda" campaign until he signs a TV deal. Really. Apparently, part of the "urban agenda" is getting Al Sharpton a multifigure contract in order to raise the average black income. Rumor has it that Sharpton will play Jesus in Black Entertainment Television's remake of "The Passion."
Meanwhile, Kerry continues to beg Al Gore not to endorse him. The only Democratic rival left for Kerry is congressional powerhouse Dennis Kucinich. Both of Kucinich's voters are determined to see a Kucinich victory in the Harvey Milk High School mock election.
But Kerry has bigger game to hunt. According to the candidate, "I've met more leaders who can't go out and say this publicly, but boy, they look at you and say, 'You've got to win this, you've got to beat this guy, we need a new policy,' things like that."
After being challenged by Dick Cheney, Colin Powell and White House spokesman Scott McClellan to name these "foreign leaders," Kerry began backpedaling. "I have had conversations with leaders, yes, recently. That's not your business, it's mine," he told a Pennsylvania audience member. He again refused to name any of the leaders endorsing his candidacy (some sources suggest that Count Chocula supports Kerry -- other sources suggest that Count Chocula is Kerry).