Ashley Herzog


Right now, New York is under siege by a bunch of spoiled jerks who demand everything they want while doing nothing to deserve it.

For the first few weeks, the “Occupy Wall Street” movement—a mob of unemployed layabouts who mostly appear to be around my age—wouldn’t say what they were protesting, besides “Wall Street criminals.” Then, when people laughed at them, they issued a list of thirteen demands.

This list, of course, is a list of stuff they want for free without having to lift a finger.

Demand one is “restoration of the living wage,” which they set at twenty dollars per hour. Many young professionals, service workers, and blue-collar laborers support themselves on less money than that. But based on how much time they have to protest, I doubt they had plans to work for even twenty dollars an hour.

Demand two is a “universal single payer health care system.” No medical bills! That works out well for people who don’t work, as we see next.

Demand three is a “guaranteed living wage regardless of employment.” They want everything for free, even if they never work a day in their lives. Who raised these jerks to think their every need should be met by everyone else?

Demand four is a “free college education.” Since the protestors have clearly stated that they shouldn’t have to get jobs, I assume they want to spend six years in college smoking pot and having their heads filled with crap in sociology class, while never paying a dime for it. When I went to Ohio University, some of the most belligerent left-wing agitators were in their late twenties. The most violent anti-war protest I witnessed on campus was led by a 29-year-old man who had been a part-time student for ten years. (He added to this despicable display by trying to assault a Marine.)

Demands eleven and twelve are “immediate debt forgiveness for all” and “outlaw all credit reporting agencies.” I'm guessing the protesters racked up a bunch of frivolous purchases on credit cards, never paid the bills, and now don't want the landlord to find out and refuse to let them sign a lease because they have no intention of paying the rent, either.

The rest of the demands are a smorgasbord of left-wing gibberish, like a “racial and gender equality amendment” and “open borders migration.” (They probably want “open borders migration” so immigrants working as hotel maids and landscapers can add to the taxpayer pot they’re going to take from.)

Ashley Herzog

Ashley Herzog can be reached at