Ann Coulter
Every sentient, literate adult knows that the current spike in gas prices is 90 percent due to forces completely beyond the control of Congress, the White House or even "Big Oil" itself. The laws of supply and demand determine gas prices the same way those laws determine the price of eggs, acid-washed blue jeans and Kanye West downloads.

What determines the price of college tuition? It certainly isn't the quality of the product -- as copiously demonstrated in David Horowitz's new book, "The Professors: The 101 Most Dangerous Academics in America."

The two big topics on CNN last week were (1) high gas prices and (2) the high cost of college tuition. (Also a story about an angry Hispanic lacrosse player who vanished from a cruise ship during Bush's low poll numbers.)

CNN reports that college tuition has risen an astonishing 40 percent since 2000. But the proposed solutions to the exact same problem -- high prices for gasoline and tuition, respectively -- were diametrically opposed.

The only solution to high gas prices considered on CNN was to pay oil company executives less, perhaps by order of the president. But somehow, no one ever suggested that the solution to the high price of college -- far outpacing inflation -- was to pay professors less. In that case, the solution is for the government to subsidize college professors' salaries even more than it already does.

Based on CNN's special coverage of high gas prices, the unfolding crisis in college tuition ought to be reported like this:

Coming up, soaring prices at the colleges. Who's to blame? How can you keep your child in college and cash in your wallet? And Harvard outrage, big education makes big bucks, but we pay the price. So should President Bush limit prices? ...

To our top story now. It seems like a summer ritual. Rising professors' salaries mean rising tuition prices. But this year, sticker shock at the tuition window is fueling more concern than ever. And it has many people asking where is it going to end?

JAMIE COURT, CONSUMER RIGHTS ADVOCATE: Every time you see the price of tuition go up, you can hear "ka-ching, ka-ching" in the bank accounts of the college professors.

That's how oil company profits are reported. Why not subsidize the oil companies, which provide a product essential to allowing 300 million Americans to live, and put a cap on the price of college, which seems designed to turn out more liberal parasites on the productive?