Ann Coulter

But a few months after Kerry won the Michigan primary in February, the feckless opportunist told a bunch of environmentalists: "I don't own an SUV." When pressed on the apparent contradiction, Kerry explained: "The family has it. I don't have it." We're still waiting for reaction from some group calling themselves "SUV Owners for the Truth."

As I recall, when it came to funding his campaign last January with a $6 million mortgage on the "family" home in Boston ? owned by Kerry's billionaire wife ? he was not so picky about what he owns and what she owns. Back then, Kerry had somewhat more liberal views on the notion of "community property" ? or maybe that was just the pre-nup talking.

The "family" angle could also explain Kerry's positions on the wall in Israel: His wife supports it and he opposes it!

Speaking to an Arab group in Michigan in October 2003, Kerry called Israel's erection of a wall between Israeli and Palestinian areas "another barrier to peace."

But a few months later, Kerry got on the fence on the subject of the wall. Adding clarity to the subject, his campaign issued a memo in February, saying Kerry took the precise opposite position of his earlier position. The memo said: "John Kerry supports the construction of Israel's security fence to stop terrorists from entering Israel. The security fence is a legitimate act of self-defense ..."

So the wall was either (1) a barrier to peace or (2) a legitimate act of self-defense. The campaign then said Kerry had meant to say the real barrier to peace was Pink Floyd's "The Wall."

While Kerry works out his positions, apparently the voters have decided that their legitimate act of self-defense is to vote for Bush.