Ann Coulter

According to the front page of the New York Times ? so it must be true! ? the release of Bill Clinton's latest round of lies, "My Life," has "many of his old antagonists ... gearing up again." Among many others, MSNBC's Bill Press said the book was "bringing all the Clinton haters out from under their rocks. I mean, they're salivating because they get another chance to get into all of these issues."

We're not salivating with anticipation ? that's drool as we fall into a coma.

Since Clinton was impeached, liberals have been trapped in a time warp. They just can't seem to "move on." Books retelling Clinton's side of impeachment ? only since the decadent buffoon left office ? include: Joe Conason's and Gene Lyons' "The Hunting of the President: The 10-Year Campaign to Destroy Bill and Hillary Clinton" (endorsed by America's most famous liar!), David Brock's "Blinded by the Right: The Conscience of an Ex-Conservative," Sidney Blumenthal's "The Clinton Wars," Joe Eszterhas' "American Rhapsody," Joe Klein's "The Natural: The Misunderstood Presidency of Bill Clinton," Hillary Rodham Clinton's "Living History," and now, the master himself weighs in with "My Life."

As far as I know, conservatives have produced one book touching on Bill Clinton's impeachment in this time: In 2003, National Review's Rich Lowry decided it was finally safe to attack Clinton and thereupon produced the only Regnery book with Bill Clinton's mug on the cover that did not make the New York Times' best-sellers list. That's how obsessed the Clinton-haters are.

Now there's even a documentary version of liberals' Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy fantasy, "The Hunting of the President." O.J. had more dignity.

If we're so obsessed with it, why do they keep bringing it up? OK, uncle. You win, Mr. President. If I buy a copy of your book, will you just shut up once and for all, go away, and never come back? It will cost me $35, but, judging strictly by weight, that isn't a bad price for so much cow manure. At 957 pages, this is the first book ever published that contains a 20-minute intermission. Readers are advised to put it down and read a passage from Clinton's 1988 Democratic National Convention speech nominating Dukakis just to stay awake. This thing is so long, he almost called it "War and Peace." Or, I suppose, more properly, "War and a Piece."