Ann Coulter

But under cross-examination by Sean Hannity on Fox News Channel a few weeks later, Clark would say only that he had gotten a call from "a fellow in Canada who is part of a Middle Eastern think tank who gets inside intelligence information." So in two weeks' time, Clark had gone from "the White House" to "people close to the White House" to "some guy in Canada." Clark is for abortion, for tax hikes, for affirmative action and against the war in Iraq. But he served in Vietnam. So he's basically Howard Dean with scarier flashbacks.

Howard Dean is not a general, but he is a doctor. Democrats are enthusiastic about Dean since they figure that if this Democrat were ever caught with a naked intern, he could just say it was her annual physical.

Dean has leapt beyond criticizing Bush and is now embracing terrorists. He has called Hamas terrorists "soldiers in a war" and said the U.S. should not take sides between Israel and Palestinian suicide bombers. This has won him a spot in the hearts of the Democratic Party base – middle-class white kids from Ben-and-Jerryville who smash Starbucks windows whenever bankers are in town for a meeting. If Dean doesn't get the Democratic nomination, perhaps he could throw his hat in the ring to replace Arafat.

The also-rans are trying to distinguish themselves by competing to see who can denounce George Bush with greater vigor. Sen. John Kerry has said we need to "de-Americanize" the war – I guess on the theory that the "de-Americanizing" process has worked out so well for the Democratic Party. He is furious at Bush for prosecuting a war Kerry voted for, saying the difference is, "I would have been patient." He would have had to be extremely patient in the case of Germany, inasmuch as Gerhard Schroeder announced before the war began that he would never authorize war in Iraq under any circumstances.

Florida Sen. Bob Graham recently told the Council on Foreign Relations that in "answer to any questions about the Bush administration on the war on terror," the answer is: "'No,' they are not doing a good job." This would explain Graham's commanding lead among members of his own household, although his maid is still "Undecided."

Dick Gephardt has taken to calling President Bush a "miserable failure" – as opposed to Gephardt, who is a "happy failure." Things have gotten pretty bad when you're being called a "failure" by a guy who spent 30 years sucking up to labor but still can't get the AFL-CIO to endorse him.

Dennis Kucinich recently proposed a new U.S. policy for Iraq, known in military circles as "unconditional surrender." He wants all U.S. troops to leave immediately and be replaced by U.N. troops. The head of the U.N. Human Rights Commission – Syria – would surely have things back to normal in no time. Kucinich has also offered his services as a consultant to any city in Iraq that's thinking about filing for bankruptcy. According to most polls, the Democrat who stands the best chance to beat Bush is a guy named "Generic."