If you support the Marines, then how in God's name can you oppose taxpayer funded photos of bullwhips up men's anuses? At least I think that's the logic.
In fact, the only federal government programs conservatives ever liked are precisely the only ones we need now. Do you imagine it was a Republican or Democrat who once vowed he would "totally dismantle every intelligence agency in this country by piece, nail by nail, brick by brick"?
The surprising answer is: a Democrat (!) -- Ron Dellums, D-Calif. Soon after the pot-smoking, draft-dodging Clinton (also a Democrat) became president, the House Democratic Caucus elected Dellums chairman of the House Armed Services Committee. The vote was 198-10. The New York Times took the occasion to shower Dellums with praise.
But despite the earnest pleadings of Democrats and Hollywood starlets, it turns out we actually did need to spend more money on "one more cruise missile" rather than, say, the Head Start program. (Having a missile dropped on your city can be very educational.) In the new ranking of national priorities, survival has zipped right to the top of the heap.
Among many other excellent ideas that have served this country well in recent days, congressional Democrats have leapt to action to protect our airports by calling out the efficiency-maximizing services of the federal government. Soon the Department of Motor Vehicles will be running the airport magnetometers.
In addition, liberals everywhere are demanding their favorite measure whenever there is war, peace, inflation, a recession, an emergency or normal times: Raise taxes! The New York Times exhorted Congress to "consider rolling back -- not speeding up -- the regressive parts of the president's 10-year tax." ("Regressive" means "tax cut" in Times-speak. "Progressive" means "Ann Pays More.")
Lawyers, too, have been performing vital services for the nation in this time of need. According to an article in The New Yorker this week, the U.S. military -- the ones who are supposed to be daunted by the unforgiving Afghan countryside -- had Taliban leader Mullah Omar in their sights the first night of the war. But on the advice of a lawyer, they didn't shoot. Army Gen. Tommy R. Franks, the commander in charge, explained that the judge advocate general "doesn't like this, so we're not going to fire."
Lawyer Alan Dershowitz is promoting the adoption of a national ID card. Liberals are stalwart defenders of civil liberties -- provided we're only talking about criminals. Dershowitz has also offered to defend Osama bin Laden in court, saying it would be "an act of high patriotism." It's kind of too bad there isn't going to be a trial. Having Dershowitz defend him could be Osama's only shot at not being the least popular person in the courtroom.