Ann Coulter
It seems President George Bush has imposed an innovative series of workplace rules at the White House. Staffers have been instructed to be on time, practice common courtesy and dress appropriately. (This probably spells an end to the crack pipes on the White House Christmas tree, too.)

President Clinton's economic adviser Gene Sperling dismissed the adult environment at the Bush White House as the serendipity of having a budget surplus. He explained that the endless all-night jam sessions with panty-less women was the result of "how dramatically different it was to be in a time of deficits." (The connection between having to make important decisions and creating an environment in which it was impossible to make important decisions remains a bit murky.)

By contrast, the Clinton administration had to suffer: "We literally had to present Clinton with scores of potential cuts which could even cost members of Congress or the president himself an election."

What were those programs again? Clinton's big initiatives during his first year in office consisted of: (1) trying to socialize the nation's health care, and (2) attempting to turn the U.S. armed forces into a homosexual focus group. It took Newt Gingrich and the Republicans coming to power to give Americans a puny tax cut.

But in those first few years when he was working with his own party, Clinton raised taxes and created new government programs. No wonder it took interminable hippie jam sessions to put together a budget. Clinton had to figure out precisely how much of a lie his campaign promise of a "middle class tax cut" was going to be.

In addition to having cleared out the pizza boxes, women's panties and plastic cups littering the White House, the calming wind of the Bush administration has created genuine "new Democrats" -- Democrats with a passion for fiscal austerity. As a theoretical matter, they are all for a tax cut. But alas, they are slaves to a balanced budget, and "we" just can't "afford" it right now.

They are, of course, lying. They want our "muffler money" to protect the revenue flow for their useless federal programs.