Ann Coulter

Among other things, you do not believe: (1) the weird supernatural stuff; (2) anything that contradicts the platform of the Democratic Party or the National Organization for Women; or (3) anything that might offend someone of another "faith tradition," let alone of another actual faith, like the parts of your faith tradition that assert that the others are wrong (e.g., the carpenter was the Messiah and, no, Mohammed was not his successor).

Point two: The book of Matthew emphatically does not say, "Where your heart is, there is your treasure also." The vice president's bungling misquote doesn't just reverse words, but completely reverses Christ's meaning. By suggesting we make the environment our "treasure," Gore turns a deeply Christian belief into a brazenly anti-Christian declaration.

Christ's real quote comes in the middle of a chapter warning that man "cannot serve God and mammon."

(On a side note, this is also the chapter in which Christ warns us to "be not as the hypocrites" and to fast and pray only "unto thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly." What did Gore say about the guy who used to march off to church every Sunday toting that ludicrous 5-pound Bible just before dashing back to the Oval Office to engage in sodomic acts with a cigar? One of America's "greatest presidents," wasn't it?)

In any event, Christ is commanding us to abjure "treasure upon Earth," and instead to build "treasures in heaven." So when Christ says, "Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also," it's an admonition that if your treasure is anyplace but with God, then your heart cannot be with God (and you'll burn in hell).

To mangle Christ's quote into this -- "where your heart is, there is your treasure also" -- and suggesting that the environment should be our treasure is not just stupid, it's aggressively anti-Christian.

Gore's rendition sounds like some inspirational saying a guidance counselor might put on his office wall: "If you love soccer, follow your heart! ... Where your heart is, there your treasure shall be! ... Go for it!" Christ's whole point was that if your heart is with soccer (the environment, mammon, whatever) and not with Him, you're going to burn in hell.

That ought to get Gore's attention. All that burning probably causes pollution.