My Funny Man Mitt

Amanda Carpenter

10/7/2007 9:09:42 PM - Amanda Carpenter

Republican presidential hopeful Gov. Mitt Romney delivered an arsenal of red-meat, anti-liberal jokes for the fiscally conservative audience at the Americans for Prosperity “Defending the American Dream” Summit Friday night.

Romney began his speech by discussing the newly-elected President of France Nicolas Sarkozy’s admiration for Republican President Ronald Reagan. Romney said this contrasted with the admiration top Democrats running for President have for France’s traditional, socialist policies.

“In my opinion, Hillary Clinton couldn’t even be elected the President of France, let alone President of the United States!” he panned.

While hammering away on Democrats, Romney offered a small dose of GOP-deprecating humor: “We sometimes didn’t act like Republicans. We spent too much, we earmarked too much and our ethical standards became the punch-line for Jay Leno,” Romney said.

Romney also gently teased attendees when they showed fatigue applauding his extensive tax-cutting pledges. He told them: “Which of these you get depends on how long you clap for each one, so pay great attention!”

Romney’s most hearty-applause lines, however, came when he poked fun at those on the other side of the aisle. Below is a sampling of those jokes:

ROMNEY: Someone sent me an email the other day that said when Hillary Clinton thinks “private sector” she thinks that’s a new recruit to the Army.

ROMNEY: Hillary Clinton stands up and says she’s the candidate of “change.” Well, I think she would change America---we’d go from prosperity to poverty.

ROMNEY: Those who are promoting a culture of dependency are selling that spending is a measure of how much you care. I used to try that on my parents at Christmastime. It didn’t work

ROMNEY: I came into my job when there was a $3 billion budget gap facing me and then I looked at my legislature and it was 85% Democrat. There were states across the country raising taxes, even Republican states looking at the big deficits because there was a recession going on. The combination of those circumstances was pretty unusual. And, of course, I had the Boston Globe nipping at my heels, calling for higher taxes. By the way, there is only one tax I would sign. That’s a tax on newspapers that print bad stories.

ROMNEY: Liberals look at the challenges in the world, this inflection point if you will, and they want to turn to the source of what America’s strength is. And because they’ve all spent most of their lives in government, or suing people, one or the other, they think that America has strength because America has a great government.

ROMNEY: The best way to meet a Democratic politician is to reach for your wallet and he’ll there shaking your hand.

ROMNEY: The Democrat three tax-a-teers [Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John Edwards] they don’t understand. They think everybody else is wrong and they are the only ones who have got it right. And, that does remind me of an old story, well I’ll say it’s about me. I’m driving home on Route 95 in Boston and my wife calls and says, “Mitt are you on 95 coming home?” I said “yes.” She said, “Well you better watch out. They say on the TV that there’s an idiot driving on the wrong way on the interstate highway.” And I said, “Well there’s not just one idiot, it’s hundreds of them!” And that’s how the Democrats are on taxes!