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Friday, March 13, 2009
Rich Galen :: Townhall.com Columnist
Slumdog Squarepants
by Rich Galen
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Will the Dems' health care Christmas Present to America be an improvement or detriment to our health care system?


I played hooky yesterday afternoon and went to see Slumdog Millionaire. I stopped by the theater to see when the next show was, and it was NOW, so I went in - spent $20 ($6.75 for admission and $13.25 for a small popcorn, a small diet coke and a paradoxical box of Goobers) - and sat in the theater with two other people.

There were messages on the screen which asked me to put my cell phone on vibrate and warned that there was to be NO TEXTING. I made the executive decision that Twittering about the movie during the movie didn't count as texting and, when another couple came in and, with the entire theater to choose from sat directly in front of me, I decided I had earned the right to use my cell phone in any way I saw fit.

That's pretty much how I decide what rules I am going to follow in a wide variety of situations: If I am being inconvenienced then I get to choose a rule I am not going to follow. Works pretty well. You should try it.

For instance, today is Friday the 13th which I took as a sign to take two hours off yesterday to see Slumdog. See?

So, the movie. The Associated Press described the plot as: "A Dickensian tale of an Indian orphan rising above his street-urchin roots."

Talk about a buzz kill.

This movie won eight Academy Awards - just about all of the technical awards: Direction, editing, music (score and song), screenplay, cinematography, and sound - and won Best Picture.

I don't remember the score at all and, as the songs were Indian songs, they all sounded the same to me so I don't know which one the Academy thought was the best of the year. I generally see all my movies on airplanes so I don't get to see many award winners until the year after they've won so I'll let you know sometime around Thanksgiving whether I thought this film was the best of the year.

Slumdog Squarepants cost about $15 million to produce. In modern movie terms that is the equivalent of building a new Major League Baseball stadium for $1.37. As of Wednesday Slumdog had grossed just under a quarter of a BILLION worldwide - and that doesn't even include the $33.75 which it grossed in Marietta, Ohio yesterday at the 3:50 showing.

Excellent movie. It was not a soppy downer, nor was it 116 minutes of chases and kung fu-lishness which seem to dominate movies these days.

The cast were unknown (in the West) Indian actors, it was directed by a Brit and distributed by Americans. Because it was filmed largely on location in Mumbai there was a minimum of that bobble-headedness which Western actors use to show they are playing Indians from India.

The ending was predictable, but watching how the movie got there was great entertainment. War movies are like that; we know who won World War II. I knew that Apollo 13 had landed safely, but I still got a kick out of watching it happen on-screen.

New Topic

I had dinner with one of my oldest and best friends, Bill White who had a really good idea: Distribute the Federal Government.

We talked about moving the Interior Department to Yellowstone National Park; the Energy Department to Houston; Education to Princeton, New Jersey, and Agriculture to Des Moines.

Let's hear your ideas what Federal agencies we should move out of Washington and to where we should move them.

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About The Author

Rich Galen has been a press secretary to Dan Quayle and Newt Gingrich. Rich Galen currently works as a journalist and writes at Mullings.com

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Federal Agency moves
Move 'em all out of the country and let's start over.

Federal Agencies
How about:

Department of Labor to somewhere under Giants Stadium with Jimmy Hoffa...it's going to be the department of union labor now anyway.

Treasury Department to Bejing..that's where our money is.


I agree about "Slumdog"
It was very good.

Agencies
Anything not under the Department of State, Treasury, Justice and Defense. Where to move them? To the unemployment line, but they'd be out of a job too. Maybe 9 months severance and be done with it. Then we can take a good look at those under the remaining 4.

I doubt anyone would notice the difference, except for a few more dollars appearing in their paycheck.

Agencies
Why don't we just out-source most government agencies to India? Then more people could rise above their station in life, for half the cost!

Homeland Security
should move to the southern border, any one of the small towns right on the border, as should Immigration & Naturalization.

Can we
outsource the Congress and the presumed president?

The department that is going to
solve global warming should be at Point Barrow Alaska.


Oval Office
Back to Kenya, where he was born.

Way to go, folks
Excellent suggestions. As for the Energy dept I would like to move it to a French nuclear facility along with the dims and see if they get any ideas about clean energy.

A few thoughts
Let's move the Postal Service to the dead-letter office along with the departments of Energy, Labor, Education, HUD, and HHS. Then we can give D.C. back to Maryland, which probably doesn't want it, and move the remaining agencies to a new capital out west. This should be as far from any major city as possible--I'm partial to northwestern Nebraska, but there are many other eligible spots--and so spartan that no one would be able to live there year-'round even if he wanted to.

HUD
Let's move Housing and Urban Development to the Projects in New York or any other crime-ridden urban community.

Move State Department
We can move the State Department to anywhere in Europe since these people want us to be like the Europeans anyway. Then we can start a new Foreign Relations Department and employ people who believe that America is a good and decent place, and believe that the American way of life is worth having and living.

White House Press Corps

Should set up shop in all the newly vacant space in the NYT building.

This will save the esteemed reporters from the inconvenience of going to DC for orders on how best to wave the pom poms for Obama.

Not afederal dept. but
Send harry reid and queen nancy to a trailer park in Toad Suck Arkansas

Move them all...
... to Detroit. That's where they're taking us.

Movies
I looked over the list of movies coming out this year and the only one I want to see (Knowing) comes out next weekend while I am in Sebring covering the 12 Hours of Sebring and watching the Germans (Audi) vs. the French(Peugeot) come to its inevitable end: the Pugs get the pole and the Audi wins the race. So I will be able to read the reviews before I get home and see if its worth the money. This was the way I saved myself the towering irritation of The Village, which looked much better in the trailers than the incredibly stupid premise it actually took. (I had made up a much more interesting and scarier movie in which the snap ending was that this Village was not on the Planet Earth -- it was Lost In Space without the cheap sets or the robot and Dr. Smith, and with unseen space aliens everywhere outside the Village and the Earth trees they had planted to try to keep them out of town.)

Otherwise I am going to save my money this year and watch the movies I already have.

Washington should pack
its entire road show, including the Oval Office, and take it to any other country who'd like to support it. Provided one can be found, which I rather doubt.

I know we American taxpayers would be better off, and so would our children and grandchildren.






Hmmmm...
...let's move the Dept. of Education, along with about half the others, to the bottom of the deep blue sea.

We need ONE more Department First:
Actually, seriously we need to create one more Governmental Department before we start moving those departments that are toxic out of D.C.

That new department could be and should be named: “The Department of Transition” and for its first order of business move The Federal Reserve into it.

And as its first order of business, The Department of Transition, will determine exactly how we are going to make the transition from having a Federal Reserve to not having one and whether it will take 3 or 2 or just 1 year to achieve it.

Then after it is successful at this we could move the IRS into it and continue on our way to evermore ... freedom.

I've thought for awhile...
... that if we need a great, inspiring national project, we should just build a whole new national capitol somewhere in the heartland -- Indiana or Kansas or such. Get away from a tiny, crime-ridden swamp that clings to the eastern edge of the country. Make it look like the world's biggest strip mall.


How about the nobility of Man?
The fact that the movie was entitled "slumdog" turned me off. I have no intention of seeing that movie.

I agree with your moves
But I suggest moving IRS to France.

UN
The U.N. is not a Federal agency, but I sure would like it to be anywhere else in the world besides inside our borders. Might I suggest France or Iran?

Move the White house;

Move the White House to Iran and all the people who live in it!

Gitmo;

Lets move Nancy Pelosi, Henry Reid, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Charlie Rangal, And others to Gitmo. After all, they are enemies of this country.

AynRandLives

ARL asks/answers: "How about the nobility of Man? The fact that the movie was entitled "slumdog" turned me off. I have no intention of seeing that movie."

Of all the many good reasons not to go see a movie, yours is the dumbest I've yet heard. See the movie and then tell me that you can't find a portrait of human nobility, even in a world in which people are treated as "slumdogs".

This is the only movie that I've seen in a theatre this year, and I'm not a bit sorry for having gone. I urge you to reconsider.

I DON'T GET IT?

.....How did you leap from going to a movie to redistributing government departments? ...what did I miss? ...

.....The only attraction Slumdog Millionaire would have for me is that there are no big name Hollyweird stars like Sean Penn to muck it up ...

.....There was a time when big Hollywood stars like Cary Grant, Clark Gable and Jimmy Stewart could be matched with good movies that reflected main street America and that common people could relate to ...no more ...

.....Todays movies have become vehicles to advance agendas and political viewpoints ...want to advance acceptance of gays agenda? ...well let's make movies about lovable gays! ...want to attack religion and Christians? ...well let's make movies where religious leaders are frauds and bigots! ...

.....I think really good movies stopped after the sixties ...out of the thousands of movies that have been made since then, there have only been a handful that have been fit for family viewing ...I have a large collection of movie classics and the dates on most of them are pre-1960 .....COLOSSUS

More moves
Obvious:

EPA to ANWR

Energy to Yucca Mt. (why waste the facility?)...or better yet, to Dry Hollow, Tennessee, BEFORE the TVA.

Education to Reform School (sorry, "Select Academy")

Treasury to Zimbabwe so they can see what it will be like.

Thanks everyone
Just when I thought the world was full of doom and gloom, here comes this great bunch of letters. TH readers – your creativeness, wit and wisdom is in top form today. Every one of these ideas is great, and it would be very difficult to choose the best one. Thanks to every one of you for making my Saturday a whole lot brighter.

slumdog/distribute federal government
I also enjoyed Slumdog - even the dancing at the end.

I like the suggestion about Energy to Yucca Mountain. Okay, how about: Interior into ANWR, State to Sudan, Health & Human Services to Mexico City, Homeland Security to Los Angelos, Education to Charleston, WV, Veteran Affairs/AARP to Jacksonville, Justice to Mobile, FBI to Tent City, CIA to Gitmo, Agriculture to Souix City, Labor to Savannah, HUD to Anchorage, Transportation to Honolulu, Indian Affairs to the Grand Canyon, and Treasury to Chicago (just kidding).

The music was atrocious.
I wandered into a store yesterday, looking for odds and ends, and it finally dawned on me that the continuous cacophony in my ears was Indian music which seemed to have no end but just a continuous unharmonic jangle of sounds, which included some sort of stringed, assorted cymbals and percussion instruments. Within ten minutes I was forced to head for the exit, which brings me to my point. I would NOT voluntarily pay good money to sit in a theater for two hours listening to that incredibly irritating noise.

Slumming with Slumdog
I spent a few precious minutes perusing this nonsense. Whatta waste. Will his next effort be about the proper way to remove lint from one's (own) belly button? Whatta bore. Get a life.

This was a test...
and most of you failed.
The writer of this article told you in the beginning of this article the way he makes his own rules when he has been inconvenienced, and then began to destract you with talk of entertainment, and then further destracted you from the real point by asking you what you would do about something ELSE everyone feels strongly about.
I would call this pulling an "OBAMA"

I noticed.
I also understood the lesson being tested...
Unfortunately, I don't know what to do about it.

You are all in my prayers.

Move them all
I like the idea of moving Homeland Security to LA, only I would be more specific - to the Port of Los Angeles. I wonder what they would do if they had to sit next to more than a million containers as they are taken off ships over the course of a year. Treasury could move to any Skid Row section of any large City, like maybe North Las Vegas. I like Paleocon's overall thinking, that is, move them all to a desolate area of the country. We would need to make sure that there wasn't an airport within 500 miles. It would sure cut down on the photo-ops and grandstanding by the President and his department heads. They would also likely get a lot more work done for the People of this country, as the special interest lobbyists probably wouldn't spend the gas to drive there. I wouldn't mind seeing Congress move to someplace like Fargo.

Ok, I'll bite
Where should we send the DC agencies ? I think slumdog is a good idea. They need to reside smackdab in the middle of the nastiest slums we have, and NO, they don't get any budget for office upgrades or anything of the sort- just what they can carry with them.
That should solve quite a lot.

Don't Fool with "JellyStone!!"
They can move Wash D&C anyplace on Earth and it will be OK by me.. But Yellowstone is pretty high on my list of places to go and stay.. In Fact "Wifey" and I are seriously considering seeking summer employment there this year (am in process of applying) just to give us additional time to wander around the Park..

Move 'em out !

" I had dinner with one of my oldest and best friends, Bill White who had a really good idea: Distribute the Federal Government.

We talked about moving the Interior Department to Yellowstone National Park; the Energy Department to Houston; Education to Princeton, New Jersey, and Agriculture to Des Moines.

Let's hear your ideas what Federal agencies we should move out of Washington and to where we should move them. "

~~~

Simple. Just move every Federal agency and department, created since 1861, to the center of the cone of Mauna Loa, and wait for nature to take its course.

P.S., Drop the U. N. off there also.

Ooh, Ooh, can we include our Senate and House of Representatives?



What to do about Congress and such
I would imagine if the heros of Flt. 93 knew what we know today about our Federal Government, especially the House and Senate members, they would have all sat back and let the crazy Islamist idiots do us all a favor and they would have been even bigger heros than they are today because it would have saved us all a lot of grief Congress and the affirmative action president are inflicting on us now.
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