* "Let's all try to be more striped" is a big idea.
* We'll need a weighty slide show. I know how to use Powerpoint up
to a point but we need a thick stack of those babies to bore the
oversized pants off audiences.
* We'll need all sorts of charts and graphs which prove that the
girth of the human population is growing to gut-busting
proportions.
* If we can get the presentation trimmed down to, oh, an hour forty,
we can film me doing it and submit it for consideration for an
Academy Award.
[Note: Insert appropriate Turkey, Greece and Hungary jokes here]
* Another huge plus would be to publish a book: "An Inconvenient
Tooth" explaining in excruciating detail what is involved in the
whole overeating phenomenon and how we must change it before we
are all necessarily buried in piano cases.
* I will give speeches on the rubber boneless, skinless chicken
breast circuit. My ample speaking fee would be shared with worthy
international anti-plump societies to do good works among their
spreading populations.
* The crowning glory would be the Nobel. Even I am not so vain as to
suggest I would win a Nobel Peace Prize for my anti-fat crusade.
* I would certainly settle for a Nobel Pie Piece.
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