* A study in the UK has absolved individuals for being fat by
concluding, "in the largest ever UK study into obesity, backed by
government and compiled by 250 experts, said excess weight was now
the norm in our 'obesogenic' society."
* The study also said that "dramatic and comprehensive action was
required to stop the majority of [UK citizens] becoming obese by
2050."
* Assuming people in the United Kingdom are not any more prone to
obesity nor any less capable of controlling their eating habits
than the rest of us, I do believe I see a big fat path to my own
Al-Gore-Style Nobel Prize.
* First we have to get the popular press to buy into the notion that
being chubby is not any individual person's fault - it is the
fault of society.
* If we get that done, then it will be a simple step to get the
French and the United Nations to blame the United States for
contributing much more adipose to the world's supply than our
population numbers would suggest we should.
* Next we should convene an international conference - say in Lodz,
Poland - to hammer out a treaty in which each country would sign
up for a set number of kilograms per capita to be lost over the
next 175 years.
* Poles, generally, are known for their high regard for the trim
torso, and Lodz - which, if we pronounce it "loads" actually makes
some sense.
* India and China would, of course, be exempt because  I forget
why, but they're exempted from all the other bad behavior in the
world - nuclear proliferation, smog, basic human rights
(especially among women), currency manipulation - so we should
exempt them from this as well.
* Oh. A color. We'll need a stout color. Green is, of course,
already taken by the environmentalistas so we need something else.
What color screams "THIN!?"
* Can't be white or black. "Let's all try to be more white (or
black) has certain heavy overtones which should be fairly obvious
to all.
* Stripes. Vertical stripes. You can have any combination of colors
you like so long as they are combined into vertical stripes.
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