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Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Rebecca Hagelin :: Townhall.com Columnist
Jon and Kate, Public Officials and You?
by Rebecca Hagelin
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From "reality show" stars like Jon and Kate, to politicians, to the folks next door - what we thought were the most solid of marriages are falling apart.

Viewers tuned in to TLC's "Jon and Kate Plus 8" because it gave them hope that it's still possible to have a big, happy family led by a mom and dad who overcome all odds due to their undying commitment to each other. (Now that Jon and Kate are getting divorced, you would think that they, or TLC, or show executives would pull the plug on the program so the children can at least suffer in privacy. But, alas, it seems that everyone is willing to cash-in on exploiting the little lives and hearts as their emotions unfold before a national audience. This is the most disgusting abuse of television we've ever seen. Our own family refuses to sit and gawk as this real-life family emplodes - I hope you will ban the show in your own home too.) Others supported political leaders who we thought would fight to uphold timeless values, including the institution of marriage. Many of us are now feeling a bit sick to our stomachs at revelations of infidelity - and are beginning to wonder if there's any real hope left for this sacrament called marriage.

Our toxic, liberal media culture will tell you that the "old-fashioned" institution of marriage must be abandoned or reinvented with the times. This laissez fare and often hostile attitude feeds the selfishness at the root of all marital ills. Many people now casually shrug their shoulders and decide in advance that if they aren't happy in marriage they will just walk away. It's time to obliterate this cavalier attitude toward the most sacred of relationships.

Marriage is vitally important to both our personal and national health. Consider this stunning trend: in 1950, for every 100 babies that were born in this country, 12 were born to a broken family; today, for every 100 babies that are born in America, 60 are born to a broken family. If we continue along this trajectory, our nation is doomed. The family unit has always been the basic building block of civil society. If you damage the DNA of the family unit, you end up radically changing the nation as a whole, and with tragic consequences. Not least among them are the broken hearts and lives of our children.

Fidelity, commitment and selflessness are timeless values that we must uphold in our own lives -- regardless of who else may have trouble doing so. They are the keys to having strong, happy individuals and strong, happy families. The social science data is clear: men, women and children are all better off financially and emotionally when they are part of an intact family unit where mom and dad are fully committed to each other. (Visit The Heritage Foundation's www.FamilyFacts.org for more information.)

We know in our hearts this is true. Yet how many of us really work or sacrifice to make our own marriages strong? We're willing to give our "all" to our jobs and even our hobbies. So why not start spending as much time on building your relationship with your spouse as you do on your favorite TV shows and sports? Can you imagine how vastly improved your marriage would be if you put even half the energy into it that you put into your career?

And if you need professional help, please get it. Forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration are as important as fidelity and commitment - and there are counselors who can help guide you and your spouse to embrace them. Just make sure yours believes in biblical guidelines and is determined to help you save your marriage. A good place to find one is www.FamilyLife.com.

It is an amazingly beautiful experience to be married to a man who is fully committed to me and who I know loves me unconditionally. But there is something even more fulfilling than having a faithful mate: Being the person that my husband can depend on. Being the one who says, "I have your back. You can count on me. I will always love you."

Vow today, anew, to become that person. Refuse to give up or to abandon the heart that trusted you with theirs.

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About The Author
Rebecca Hagelin is a public speaker on the family and culture and the author of the new best seller, 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family.
 
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Good points
"...for every 100 babies that are born in America, 60 are born to a broken family. If we continue along this trajectory, our nation is doomed."

Clarification: If we don't REVERSE this trajectory, our nation is doomed. 60% of our children growing up in broken families is unacceptable and unsustainable. Sadly, however, few people with any viable influence in the mass media see this as a problem. Instead of seeking remedies we are told to accept as normal all variety of "alternative" families. We look upon the stigmas attached to failed marriages and unwed pregnancies in the past with an air of morally superior disdain.(Perhaps justifiably, so.) However, has today's super-permissiveness wrought a more stable society? Incentives must be found to return society in general to the ideals of self-sacrifice instead of self-gratification, life long commitment instead of serial commitment and the idea that words like love, honor and cherish are to be applied at all times not just when it is convenient or pleasurable to do so.

Sacrifice
Marriage requires sacrifice. More importantly it requires putting the needs and desires of your spouse before your own. This year my wife and I celebrate 40 years of marriage. It has not always been easy, we both have severe health problems which put a drain on the finances. BUT one thing we both know know we have each others back. Never for a moment have I ever even considered stepping out on my wife. I also have confidence that she would never even consider cheating on me. In fact I am the only man my wife has ever dated.

Television and Hollywood
Same story, perhaps different fake people. If you are one of the Jon and Kate viewers, looks like you got stung again. But not to worry there is plenty more of the same tripe.

Exactly
"How many of us really work or sacrifice to make our own marriages strong?"

That is exactly the problem.

As the slogan goes, "love is a verb" and its necessary to take responsibility for actively and pro-actively performing acts of towards one's spouse.

IMO, the main issue is selfishness and the denial of responsibilities and obligations. People want to have their cake and eat it too -- reaping the benefits of marriage without holding up their end of the deal.

Come on, people. You CAN do better than that. And the world will not come to an end if you put off the immediate gratification of your every whim in order to put your marriage first. In fact, doing so makes it more likely that you will, over time, reap deep joy that far exceeds transient pleasures in both quantity and quality.

A better way
As a person twice married, I must say that I was clueless to the concept that you could "make it work" My parents didn't make it work but, stayed together until Dad died. I knew I didn't want that route. So after several years into my first marriage & 2 children I bailed. Five years later after much intrepidation, remarried. Well, it was a worse relationship than the first marriage. But, something (Wisdom?) outside myself took over. & I dug in my heels and slugged it out. It wasn't easy and it took a long time because, I had no roadmap but, 39years later we are still married, passionate about each other physically and in ever other way. There is a lot of water under the bridge but, I'm here to tell you, if you don't learn from your mistakes,repeat them until you do.

families
I found that as a minister, if you are poor, raise your kids well, and push for kids to excel, and push for discpline and values, even church people look at you funny. Even in churches, if you are not successful financially, you are looked down upon and it doesn't matter if your kids are exemplary - the rest of the kids will look down on them. This holds true in a lot of churches where some teens try to hold to their values - we are more focused on buildings and appearances than on committment to God and truth, but what do you expect in a nation where gain is godliness.

promise
Seems to me, 36 years ago, my wife and I made a promise to love each other. It might be a bit simplistic, but to quote Forrest Gump, "A promise, is a promise."

Give your word and keep it.


OH YEAH, MARRIAGE IS SO WONDERFULL
So when my wife cant (or won't) loose the weight, when she complains about this and that while I am constantly cleaning the house and the yard and doing the laundry.....I am supposed to just sit there and make sure I "keep my commitment"?

I am THIS CLOSE to being done with this. If it was not for the kids I would have hit the road a long time ago.

"Obligation" Is a Foreign Word Today
People are not taught that when we make an oath we are obliged to honor it. People are not taught that it is a moral obligation to be loving and happy in ALL our relationships but especially with our spouse and children.

We are obligated to be faithful in EVERY way to our spouse. We are obligated to be as kind, considerate, attractive, patient and helpful as is humanly possible.

True Christians, born of the Spirit, will be given "super-human" abilities to "put on tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, bearing with one another, and forgiving one another." (Col 3:12)

This is why Christians are commanded to marry Christians: Both are obligated and empowered to fit the above description.

How rarely these principles are taught, principles designed by God to insure our happiness, the happiness of our children and the strength of our societies.

In today's world, women are allowed (encouraged?) to act like a bunch of angry bit$ches and men a bunch of self-centered bas$ards. Who can stand to be married to any of them?

Death sprial from liberalism
"Our toxic, liberal media culture will tell you that the "old-fashioned" institution of marriage must be abandoned or reinvented with the times."

Every time the left has 'reinvented' a traditional American cultural institution it has decreased the quality of life in the country.

The left's "war on poverty" led to the closing of flophouses and orphanges, resulting in "homelessness" and self-perpetuating poverty.

The left's demand for unionization of teachers has led to ever-increasing costs in education and a decline in quality that can only be described as incompetent.

The left's insistence on removing the 'stigma' of single-motherhood and divorce has led to a nation in which 72% of children are not growing up in a home with both their biological parents. 73% of black children are being raised by single moms.

The left's obsession with 'free sex' has resulted in statutory rape, adultery, teen pregnancy, divorce, finacial ruin, rampant abortion, and pedophilia.

Feminism, which began as a demand for women to have the "choice" to work, has resulted in women being REQUIRED to work, oftentimes when they'd rather stay home and take care of the house and kids.

The liberal 'crusade' against religion, particularly Christianity and Judaism, has led to increases in crime and suicide, especially teenage suicide.

Liberalism is accomplishing what the USSR failed to do with hundreds of nuclear bombs. It is destroying America.

E: Get Your Wife to Listen to Dr. Laura
...where she will learn that she is morally obligated to get happy and pretty, be concerned with YOUR needs, do her share of the work and express gratitude for your efforts.

Of course, that street runs both ways.

I teach these concepts to teen girls and boys in a church setting. I use a cartoon of an angry woman as a visual aid. In nearly every class, someone says: Oh, that looks like my mom.

Marriages and families are supposed to be heaven on earth. But once you start matin' with Satan (or act like him), it's gonna be hell on earth, that's fer sure.

hail to Maa'm
If traditional marriage is out of date, than why are the liberals fighting so damn hard to have us accept Gay and Lesbian marriage.

johnsnare: Because Gay Marriage....
...isn't about marriage. It's about 100% acceptance of homosexuality by churches, schools and society at large.

Once gay marriage is legal, first grade primers can write about D-ck, Jane and Daddy and Daddy. And the princess can marry the princess. That way the schools can stamp out the "bigotry" of the parents and the older generation.

The gay "marriage" agenda is all about obliterating any vestige of the notion there is anything wrong with homosexuality.

PS: I cannot believe TH wouldn't allow me to use the work "D-ck" as a name. Poor D-ck Cheney and D-ck Clark. Weird.


Marriage
is ordained by God. It is because of our Godless ways that America is failing in every aspect of society. Time to turn toward God and beg Him for His mercy--every day. That will be our only hope for turning things around in this country....

There's nothing better than a marriage

Pat gave me the phone number of her beautiful friend. For over 55 years that “phone” rang and rang and rang, and Sweetie “answered” each and every time.

The old fable that “The way to a man's heart is through his stomach,”sure didn't apply to me. The way to my heart was my Sweetie’s beauty, her character, her figure, and especially her hugs and kisses.

I won my Sweetie! No Diploma or Peace Treaty would ever be worth as much as that Marriage License!

As we approached the Altar, the pastor yelled, “Hey you guys, quit hammering for a few minutes, doesn't hurt to use this stuff twice.” Wedding took 5 minutes, the Marriage lasted 55 years.

I know for a fact that if the marriage is good, there is nothing better. And I have been told if the marriage is bad there is nothing worse.

When I squeeze my Sweetie I always hear bells and chimes.

You should see the enchanting, delectable, heavenly view I see at most every meal!

When my Sweetie complained about my narrow taste in food, politics, books, etc., I just reminded her of my extremely narrow taste in Women.

For Sweetie's 50th birthday I gave her 50 tiny pieces of gold, and 50 small emeralds, in a glass vial, held by a chain.

For her 70th birthday I had a necklace with 70 stones made especially for her.

Dozens of our Tidbits, Gems and Snippets tell, indicate, hint, express, insist, and broadcast my complete, intense, deep-felt love for my Sweetie, forever.

There's nothing more beautiful than a beautiful lady. The less the clothes, the more the beauty.

“Your beautiful body drives me crazy.” Her response, “For you that's just a short putt.”

The "sign" on her office door says, "Now the Angels have a Role Model."

I don't get what the appeal...
... of "reality" shows on enormous families is supposed to be, anyway. Jon & Kate, and especially the Duggars -- as the saying goes, "it's a womb, not a clown car."

And now back to my weekly fantasy involving Rebecca Hagelin, myself, a hot tub, and lots of giggling...


Spiritof76
I think you made a good. I am a born and raised Catholic: including a Catholic College: and social status and money may be spoken about but it is clearly important to most of my church goers. It is just assumed everyone has plenty of money.

I never heard of Jon and Kate
until a few weeks ago, but they have been on the air for YEARS. And if they were not divorcing, I would NEVER have heard of them.

The voyeurism given an imprimatur by the idiot Supreme Court ruling that pornography is protected by the First Amendment (thank heavens they overturned Sotomayor and the 2nd District Ct. on the Ricci case) is just reinforced by the advent of *reality* shows that are real as *Meet Me in St. Louis* is a historical treatise on the World's Fair.

My grandson will be viewing holographic porno in the passenger seat of his car as he drives to college by the time he's 18, and the libs. will be asking, *What's wrong with that?*

E in MA (10:16am)
So when my wife cant (or won't) loose the weight, when she complains about this and that while I am constantly cleaning the house and the yard and doing the laundry.....I am supposed to just sit there and make sure I "keep my commitment"?

I am THIS CLOSE to being done with this. If it was not for the kids I would have hit the road a long time ago.
---------------
Please view the movie "Fireproof" and apply those principles to your marriage. Show in non-physical ways your unconditional love for your wife. In time, she will soften and show you the respect that you need.

To KG
No, TH won't let you use ex-VP Cheney's first name because TH thinks it's a dirty word. Also, if you want to describe somebody's college degree that they got at a very high level of academic performance, you can't use the phrase "Summa c** Laude" because the Latin word for "with" is also classified as icky-poo. If you were discussing Shakespeare and wanted to explain that Richard III is so p*****-off (can't say that either) because he is a b****** (rhymes with plastered), don't try it. Just so you'll know the rules around here. I keep meaning to find the time to compose a TH glossary of forbidden words. I haven't tried f**** (small elfin creature with wings that lives at the bottom of the garden) but I bet if it's not on the list, it soon will be. Can we describe a piece of firewood as a faggot?
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