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Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Rebecca Hagelin :: Townhall.com Columnist
Taking your family back
by Rebecca Hagelin
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"What's your biggest parenting challenge?"

That's the question I asked as I traveled the country speaking to civic, church and school organizations. And everywhere I went the answers were echoed.

As I also sorted through countless e-mails over the last four years from readers of my column, I found that two basic themes kept coming up over and over.

The biggest concerns can be divided into two major categories: relational and practical.

Parents are having trouble in this techno-era connecting with their kids. They also feel as if timeless values are under attack and they need tools they can use to fight back.

And within these two major categories - relational and practical - the particular challenges were also consistent. I kept hearing things like, "Life is busy. The modern media is teaching my kid that it's normal to have sex as a teen. The culture has my kids in their cross-hairs. I can't connect with my children. My daughter dresses like a street walker. My son is distant." Over and over you could hear the heartbreak in their hearts - the hopelessness in their voices.

I began to wonder: What happened to the joy of parenting?

Perhaps the happiest moment of a couple's life is when their precious little one is placed in their arms for the first time. Close your eyes for a few moments and try to remember. Go ahead. Stop reading and close your eyes and think about what it was like.

What emotions did you experience - what was it like? I remember being in a fog of wonder. The little person that I had felt moving inside me was now in my arms - and he had an itty-bitty nose, unique expressions, an identity all his own. As I touched his tiny fingers and toes I marveled at how both delicate and strong they were. I remember the softness of his skin. The warmth of his body. The precious cry. The utter helplessness of that baby. And I remember desperately wanting to protect him, to hold him, to make him deeply happy.

For some strange reason, God had chosen me to be the one to nurture and shape that child into an adult that could make the world a better place. It was up to me to keep him safe, to make warm lasting memories and teach him important lessons. To make him laugh, and think and learn. I was up to the challenge. I was ready - and it was a sheer delight to begin the journey. My husband also felt "the call" - and we considered it our greatest and most important role in life.

I think most parents feel that way - at first But, sadly, an entire generation of parents are now missing the sheer delight of parenting. Some feel so bombarded by outside forces that they've virtually thrown in the towel. Others have grown weary and freely give up their parental roles to the easy convenience of childcare, a school system that will educate them, and technology that will keep them entertained. Many get so caught up along the way by their careers, or their status, or the pressures of the economy that they have forgotten the most rewarding experience in life is a close relationship with one's own offspring.

And they awaken one morning to a teen who is distant, who exhibits sexual behavior way beyond her years, and to a feeling of hopelessness.

Special offer: Rebecca Hagelin's book free when you subscribe to Townhall Magazine

The good news is: You can rediscover the delight of parenting. You can experience the pleasure of having a close relationship with your child. You can grow kids who are secure and even grateful because they know that mom and dad are watching their backs, and are committed to them as unique individuals.

Helping to strengthen families - and thus find the joy in family - is the purpose of my new book, 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family.

I'm so grateful for the calling I have to help parents understand and embrace their own individual charge to truly parent - and to find the joy that comes with fully committing to it. And I'm overwhelmed by the support I have received from parents and friends around the country who are rallying behind the vision and purpose of 30 Ways in 30 Days. A very special thanks goes out to Sean Hannity who wrote the foreword and is encouraging parents and small groups, and organizations around the nation to use it as a manual to create stronger families. I asked Sean to write the foreword because he and his wife Jill live out their faith, their commitment to each other and to their kids in a powerful way. Sean has done much to strengthen families and secure our rights as parents to raise our kids - it is a blessing to know him both as a friend and as one of the family's strongest advocates.

Special offer: Rebecca Hagelin's book free when you subscribe to Townhall Magazine

My book is dedicated to all the parents, grandparents and youth leaders who want to create the leaders of tomorrow. And to keep you encouraged, informed and equipped in the most important role of your life, I have also started a weekly e-mail service. You can sign up to participate in surveys, receive pointers about the latest cultural challenges, and practical that have worked for other parents who have been down the challenging roads you are facing. To sign up for the free weekly e-mail, just visit my website. You can also e-mail me through my website and ask questions as you take the concrete actions in 30 Ways in 30 Days. I want to continue to hear your stories and successes so I can share them with others. (Only first names are used when I quote from readers.)

It doesn't take an act of Congress to take back your family. It just takes a commitment on your part to do so. It's my privilege to help.

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About The Author
Rebecca Hagelin is a public speaker on the family and culture and the author of the new best seller, 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family.
 
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My Biggest Parenting Challenging
the public school system....




Education
Education is just one aspect of the parenting challenge. I homeschool 2 of our kids, and the other attends a private school. While I would say that the private school culture is far more suited to promoting intelligent discourse and individualism than a public school environment, absolutely nothing takes the place of the parent being involved and present in their child's life.
While I am no parenting expert, because we've chosen different types of education for our children, I've definitely learned that no matter where or how your child is educated, one must be deliberate about spending time with them and enjoying their presence. Our kids WILL listen to us, if only we listen to THEM!

Homeschoolers Antisocial?
One of the biggest arguments people make about homeschooling is the claim the children become anti-social. This is an absolute myth. There are thousands of social groups kids can be involved in and still learn at home. Sporting activities, Scouts, and civil functions are all opportunities for homeschooling children to learn social responsibility. There are also thousands of homeschooling groups across the country to help.

My 15 year old daughter is the first one to introduce herself in social gatherings and makes friends constantly. By her "breaking-the-ice," the other kids let their guards down and open up to her. She learns from their experiences and gives them suggestions (like "tell your parents they aren't listening to you!")

I was speaking with Mama last night
and she was telling me about our little girl grandchild Emilee. "She has calmed down a lot and stopped her furious crying," said Mama, "now that she is learning to talk. I think she was frustrated because she had so much she wanted to communicate and she didn't know how." Then she paused and added, "Like you did."

Parents and relatives frequently make the large scale error of believing that until a child can talk, she cannot understand, and waiting until Susie reaches the age of two or three before trying to teach her family values, good manners and proper habits. A child can understand long before it can talk back. Sit little Susie in her baby seat on the kitchen table and talk to her while you cook dinner or wash dishes or whatever you are doing. Seat her in whatever room you are in and communicate with her, instead of turning on the teevee and letting her absorb life from Oprah and Montel and The Guiding Light and the Young and the Worthless. Read to her before you bring her home from the hospital. Start the first day at home to create the relationship you want to have when Susie is 15 or 21 or 40. And pay attention to her attempts to communicate with you, even if at first it is frustrated hollering. Try to make out what she wants. "Show me what you want," or "Point to it" or "Explain to me" while making eye contact will often lead to surprising results.

Don't assume your child is stupid just because she can't yet speak. She's a whole lot smarter than you are when it comes to what she wants.

Good points about...
... the changes a child effects on you inside (though I admit I come to these columns just to check out Rebecca - *sigh* - it's cougar country around here)


Rebeca
I to sometimes fell like throwing in the towel. But then I rember Rob, my oldest. He was a gifeted athlete, but joind the Army insted. I helped him enlist, as he was only 17. When 911 happend and he went to war(4th infrantry Div.) it scared me to death. But Rob came home after 6 years in, and I realized the man he had become. Thats when it got easier for me. I still hav e two at home, and am now enjoying it more then ever.
I can't wait to read your new book.
Kirk

Only ONE WAY to Take Your Family Back
As a retired public school teacher I am convinced that our only hope is to rescue our children from the public (government) schools and raise a godly generation. Please see "Call to Dunkirk" at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRGZLSVph3A.
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